


these sincere feelings

by MelodyPictures



Series: because it's you [2]
Category: B-PROJECT 鼓動＊アンビシャス | B-PROJECT: Kodou Ambitious
Genre: M/M, Season 2 spoilers, Soulmate AU, soulmate writing au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25931098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyPictures/pseuds/MelodyPictures
Summary: A lot of things were happening so fast. Ryuji wondered if the changes that were happening would be a good thing in the long run or not. Ryuji glanced over at Tomohisa. He was staring ahead, lost in his own thoughts. Ryuji looked down at his arm where his sleeve had ridden up. Ryuji could see hints of marker near his wrist, making Ryuji look at his own arm and moved the sleeve aside. On his skin was two sets of numbers. It was a good thing Ryuji had a long sleeved shirt for that photoshoot. He didn't even notice Tomo had wrote on himself today.It was weird how such a thing still made Ryuji smile a little.
Relationships: Kitakado Tomohisa/Korekuni Ryuuji
Series: because it's you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798309
Comments: 33
Kudos: 25





	1. Starting Point

**Author's Note:**

> Second part of my Soulmate AU! 
> 
> Thank you for being patient for more of this au, I hope you all enjoy!

A high pitched squeal echoed in the room.

Ryuji almost fell of the bench he was sitting on. Behind him, he could hear Akane fumble with his paper fan and the sigh of relief once he caught it. Mikado let out a weird yelp as he jumped in place and Kento's grip had slipped and almost sent him falling forward over the back of the bench.

There was a brief moment of silence. Then-

“What the hell was _that_!?”

The photographer turned around to face the assistant that caused the disturbance but from the looks of it, she wasn't paying attention.

“It's in English, it's in English! Does that mean they're a foreigner!?” She cried to the person next to her.

“Most likely! Quick, write something back!”

“But what? Wait, what does it say? I don't even have a pen right now, I-”

“Excuse me.”

The photographers cool tone was a sharp knife into the conversation.

Ryuji could see the startled looks the women had before the dread set in, like they finally realized what just happened.

“If you are both done, perhaps you can set aside your celebration until after the photos are done?”

“Um, yes. We're really sorry for the interruption!”

“Please excuse us!”

“Thank you. And congratulations, Satsuki-San.”

“Y-Yes! Thank you!”

After that, the photoshoot resumed smoothly, though Ryuji noted there was an excitement in the air that hadn't been there before.

* * *

“Ah, it was pretty sweet seeing that girl so happy!” Akane exclaimed as they walked into the break room.

“She could have been a little quieter about it,” Ryuji sighed. He went over to the back table where the snacks were set up. He was glad to see a Chupa Chups stand was set up and was quick to grab a green apple flavour. “I think my eardrum was damaged from that.”

“We can't be too harsh. It's a big deal to some people, that's why the photographer wasn't too mad about it,” Mikado pointed out from the couch. “It's a very special thing to most people.”

“I don't think it's that big of a deal,” Kento shrugged. He went straight to the couch where his bag was and started digging through it. Soon enough he pulled out a small mirror and started checking his bangs. “She probably won't find out for awhile who it is anyway, especially if they're not even from Japan.”

“How can you dismiss that? I'd freak if writing showed up on me like that!” Akane's eyes shined with excitement. “I know the chances are low right now, but wouldn't it be cool if it turned out to be the person you already liked?”

“Does Aka-Chan have someone already in mind?” Mikado said teasing.

“I didn't mean it like that! I just meant in general!” Akane huffed. Ryuji glanced over and noted with amusement the quick blush that was moving across his friend's cheeks. “I don't really want to be in a relationship right now. It's cool to think about though. I wonder what writing I'll have.”

“Probably a shopping list.” Kento shrugged. Akane gave him a confused look.

“Why a shopping list?”

“No reason.” Kento gave a dismissive wave, his lips twitching. Ryuji rolled his eyes. He may as well should have just said the persons name then and there. He didn't know how that went over Akane's head.

“Well, there's no rule that says you have to be in a relationship with your Soulmate,” Mikado pointed out. “What do you think, Kore-San?”

“...huh? Oh,” Ryuji took a moment to realize Mikado was addressing him. When he realized what he was asking, he wanted to throw his Chupa Chups at him. Who knew Mikado could be so unfair. “It's not like it really matters. As idols, we can't really do anything about it anyway. We're lucky we don't have to tell when we get writing unless it interferes with work, but that doesn't mean we're allowed to broadcast it.”

He sat on the same couch as Kento and noticed the smirk on the others face.

“Right, can't have one of us end up with ink on our face while filming.” Kento muttered. Ryuji glanced over to make sure Akane wasn't looking and kicked Kento with his heel.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Kento yelped and fumbled with the mirror. “Ryu!”

“Don't blame me for being clumsy and almost dropping your mirror.” Ryuji shrugged. He could hear Mikado behind them, stifling his laughter. “I don't think you can afford seven years bad luck.”

“Ryu, I swear-”

“Uh, why does it feel like I missed something?” Akane turned to them after Kento's shout and looked very confused. Before anyone could respond, there was a knock just then and in came the assistant that freaked out earlier.

“Sekimura-San, Fudo-San, I apologize for cutting into your break but can you both go back to makeup and return to the floor? We need to redo a couple shots.”

“Of course!”

“We'll be right there!”

“Are we going to be needed, too?” Ryuji asked.

“Not at this moment but please be ready just in case.”

“Got it.”

“Okay.”

When the door clicked shut after the other two, Kento started to rub his shin. “You didn't have to kick me...that hurt, you have like two inch heels on.”

“One and a half.”

“Are you serious?”

“Don't annoy me and I won't do it again.”

“It's too easy to tease you guys. You aren't always subtle,” Kento rolled his eyes. “If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were already dating.”

“Good thing you know better then.” Ryuji ignored the way his heart clenched. “Do you even care about things like Soulmates anyway?”

“Not really,” Kento shrugged. He took out his phone and Ryuji knew he was ending the discussion before it could turn on him. “I don't believe in Soulmates so I don't have an opinion.”

“How do you not believe in something you know is real?”

“You don't believe in it either. Not really.”

“I don't see why people should let it influence their lives as much as some do,” Ryuji shook his head. “That's not the same as not believing in it.”

Kento hummed in response but his phone went off before he said anything else. Ryuji was relieved for the distraction.

* * *

Kento and Mikado had other things to do after the photoshoot, so it was just Ryuji and Akane that left together. They stopped to grab some pastries nearby before heading home. Ryuji wasn't sure yet what to make about moving to new knew building but it wasn't like it was a bad thing.

“It was fun doing a photoshoot with you guys,” Akane grinned in the cab. “I can't wait to do more of them.”

“You'll probably do more with THRIVE than us or MooNs,” Ryuji pointed out. “But the ones with everyone together are chaotic. Probably more so now that there's fourteen of us.”

“Ah, I guess that's right. Man, today was still pretty exciting though. I can't believe I got to see someone get their writing like that.”

“It's nothing that special. It happens every now and then.” Ryuji shrugged. He's long since grown used to similar interruptions during a photoshoot or filming. He could understand why it would be so exciting to see though.

“It's the first time I was around someone that got it though. Everyone was so happy!”

“You still really like the idea of Soulmates, huh? Well, that always was one of your charming points back in Bambi.” Ryuji smiled when Akane let out a whine.

“Ah, seriously! You too? Can't you and Tomo call me cool?”

“You're very cool, Akane.”

“Now I just feel humoured. Did you always have this side to you?” Akane pouted while Ryuji laughed.

They parted ways in the lobby when they arrived and made a note to go out for lunch sometime soon to catch up better.

“I'm home,” Ryuji called out as he opened the door. He knew Tomohisa was supposed to be back by now and was confused when there was no response right away. It was cleared up though when he found Tomohisa sitting on the floor and leaning over the coffee table with papers scattered over it. He looked up when Ryuji came into the living room.

“Oh, welcome back. How was work?”

“It was alright. Kicked Kento.”

Tomohisa looked like he was struggling not to laugh. “Did something happen?”

“Not really. He just annoyed me.” Ryuji leaned over the back of the couch. “It was fun working with Akane though. We're planning to go for lunch some time. You're coming, too, so make sure to keep me updated on your schedule so we can pick a date.”

“That's good. It'll be interesting working with KiLLER KiNG and knowing them better now that we're all together again.”

“Hm. Maybe.” Ryuji shrugged. Him and Tomohisa definitely interacted more with Akane back in Bambi but even then they weren't really close. Tomohisa was right though. Things will be interesting now. He went to drop his things off in his room then grabbed a plate from the kitchen. When he returned with a cinnamon bun, Tomohisa was still reading over those papers.

“You realize you have a desk in your room for all this, right?” Ryuji glanced over the papers as he sat down. Several things popped out to him and had a feeling he knew what it was about. It would explain why Tomohisa was so focused when he walked in. “Have you eaten yet?”

“I did earlier. I'm good for now.” Ryuji hummed, feeling a little doubtful. He turned the channel on the TV to something else and leaned up against the giant pillow he propped up behind him so he could spread his legs across the couch. He balanced the plate on his lap and tore off a small piece of the cinnamon bun.

“Well, even if you say that, I'm not eating this alone. Here, open.” Tomohisa blinked as a piece of cinnamon bun was held in front of him.

“Oh. Thanks.”

They went back forth like that, Tomohisa reading off the papers and only pausing when Ryuji would hold up a piece of cinnamon bun.

When there was no more to share, Ryuji realized he forgot to grab a napkin. He started to lick the residue off and mumbled, “Hey, lets go for a drive. I'm bored sitting at home.”

Tomohisa tilted his head back to look at him. His eyes flickered from Ryuji's fingers before looking forward again. Ryuji blinked.

“What?”

“Hm?”

“What was that look for?”

“I didn't give you a look.” Tomohisa replied too easily. He pushed himself to his feet. “I'll go grab my keys. Don't forget to wash your hands, Ryuji.”

Somehow, Ryuji felt like he just missed something.

* * *

“Why did you want to go for a drive?”

“I didn’t, really. just thought you would want to clear your head and figured I should get out too.”

Ryuji really enjoyed driving with Tomohisa, especially at night. While he had no desire himself to get his license, he was glad Tomohisa did. It was good way for both of them to relax and have their own time together. But it was also the best way he knew to get Tomohisa to take a break from things.

Ryuji stretched his arms over his head, breathing in the crisp air. He loved this area they usually came to. They could see the stars well enough and could hang around as much as they wanted to.

“You still have Andy looking into things, right?” He finally asked as his arms fell to his side. “That's what those papers were about?”

Tomohisa wasn't surprised he caught on. “I do. He dropped them off earlier for me.”

“Anything noteworthy yet?”

“Kind of. Kento and I are going to meet up and talk things through.”

Ryuji leaned back against the car and nodded. He looked up at the sky to gather his thoughts.

Not long after what happened with Yashamaru, Tomohisa said he would start searching to see what was going on exactly. Kento was someone Ryuji didn't expect to help out with it. As for himself, Ryuji's still had mixed feelings about this. He wasn’t sure if this was the best way to find out just what Yashamaru was planning. Not when it was connecting to Tsubasa the way it was. It felt too much like going behind her back doing it like this.

In the end, Ryuji wasn't sure how to voice all this and instead said, “Just...don't let things get too far. I don't want to hurt Tsubasa with this.”

“I know. I don't either.”

A lot of things were happening so fast. Ryuji wondered if the changes that were happening would be a good thing in the long run or not. Ryuji glanced over at Tomohisa. He was staring ahead, lost in his own thoughts. Ryuji looked down at his arm where his sleeve had ridden up. Ryuji could see hints of marker near his wrist, making Ryuji look at his own arm and moved the sleeve aside. On his skin was two sets of numbers. It was a good thing Ryuji had a long sleeved shirt for that photoshoot. He didn't even notice Tomo had wrote on himself today.

It was weird how such a thing still made Ryuji smile a little.

“Hey, Tomo...” Ryuji started then paused. A thought barely entered his mind but he knew now wasn't the time to bring up anything.

“What is it?” Tomohisa's attention was immediately him. He looked so concerned when Ryuji stayed silent. It made Ryuji's smile soften. He reached over, tugging on Tomohisa sleeve until he was standing right beside him. Ryuji took a deep breath and leaned his head against Tomohisa's shoulder.

“...it's nothing. Just felt like saying your name.”


	2. Differently

“Ah...!” A sharp pain suddenly hit his hand, making Ryuji wince. At first he thought he hit himself with the needle. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s done so. Then he realized it was that familiar tingling sensation but much more intense this time. Confused, Ryuji put his embroidery aside to look at his right hand and was baffled at the dark splotches that were appearing.

“What the...?”

It was definitely some type of ink or else it wouldn't show up. But why was there so much?

Now even more baffled, he put his embroidery on the table and went to see what the hell Tomohisa was doing.

“Oi, Tomo! What did you...!?” Ryuji trailed off when he saw Tomohisa's sheepish expression. His hand was spotted with ink in the same places as Ryuji. Even the cuff of his sleeve had some spotting. On his desk was a pen leaking over the paper he'd been writing on.

“Ah, sorry. I'm not sure what happened?” Tomohisa smiled weakly. Ryuji wasn't sure how to react to such a look and let out a sigh.

“Give me your shirt. It’ll stain at this rate if it's not soaked right away.”

“You don’t have to-”

“No arguing. Now give it. I’ll work on this while you wash that off.”

Ryuji held his hand out and pretended like his eyes didn't linger on Tomohisa's bare back when he removed the shirt before leaning the room.

After making sure the fabric was soaking properly, Ryuji leaned against the wall and started to rub his hand. It still felt weird. It was similar but different from that first time. Similar with the brief pain it brought but now it was leaving a cold numb feeling behind.

Was it because there had been so much at once that it shocked him somehow? Was that normal? Ryuji bit his lip. He'd have to look into it later. Realizing there was still parts of this bond they didn't understand left him a little anxious.

With a shake of his head, Ryuji pushed those feelings away and went to the living room to see Tomohisa was there.

“Well, I did my best but we should still send it to the dry cleaners to get it fully cleaned.” Ryuji said as he sat next to him. Tomohisa gave him a grateful smile.

“Thank you. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Would you have done it if I didn't?” Ryuji raised an eyebrow. Tomohisa laughed and shook his head.

“No, I suppose not. I didn't even think to soak it before you mentioned it.” He admitted. He sounded a little distant. Like his thoughts were elsewhere.

“That's what I thought.” Ryuji glanced down to Tomohisa's hand to see the ink mostly washed off. “You've been in your room all day. Is everything okay?”

He doubted the pen breaking was what Tomohisa was distracted by. His theory was proven right when that sheepish look returned. “I guess I’m still bothered by the drama. Being fully sincere and confessing...it was harder than I thought it would be.”

Ryuji pretended he couldn’t feel the pang in his chest.

“....you’ve always tend to over think stuff when you have trouble with a roll.” He leaned back against the cushions with a small sigh. “I haven’t seen you like this though. Why is it getting to you like this?”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t felt so off like this before.” Tomohisa admitted.

A thought occurred to Ryuji. “Is it my fault?”

“What do you mean?”

Ryuji stared at his hands. He started rubbing his right hand again. It was slow but he could tell the ink marks were starting to fade, matching the mostly washed out tone that Tomohisa had.

It hasn’t been too long since Ryuji realized he was in love with his partner. He understood his feelings better now to know just what it is he felt for Tomohisa. But just as he understood he fell for Tomohisa for reasons beyond their bond, he understood just how much it could get in the way also.

The drama Tomohisa had just finished up had a confession scene in it and struggled over it. More specifically, the love part of it. Ryuji tried not to think about it too much but...

“Were you over thinking it because we’re connected? You couldn’t figure it out until you remembered your first love when you were little.”

“No, I don't think that was it.” Tomohisa frowned. “I didn't really think about Soulmate bonds when I was thinking about the scene.”

Ryuji forced himself not to react to those words. “You’ve really never thought about confessing to someone before, huh?”

“Not really. Not like that, I suppose.” Tomohisa shrugged. Ryuji had to suppress the urge to let out another sigh. He never had his hopes up but...

It hurt to think about. Just because Ryuji’s imagined trying to confess doesn’t mean it went both ways. They were too similar sometimes. They both saw love and Soulmates are separate things. He couldn't hold it against Tomohisa for voicing it the way he did.

Ryuji knew about the memory Tomohisa held dear. Even if Tomohisa didn’t realize it until recently, Ryuji understood that was Tomohisa’s first love. That night in the bus was the first time he heard so much detail about it though. It stirred something in Ryuji and at first he thought it was jealousy. But now when he thought about it, it was a foggy nostalgia. Like he was missing a piece.

“Ryuji, You’re rubbing your hand.” Tomohisa's voice suddenly brought him out of his thoughts. “Did you hurt it?”

“Huh? Oh...” Ryuji didn’t realize he was still doing that. “No, just...a little numb. When your pen broke, it kinda shocked me. I'm not really sure why though...”

Tomohisa’s eyes widened. He took Ryuji’s hand in both of his, bringing it up to his lips. Ryuji hadn't expected that kind of reaction and felt his breath catch.

“I’m sorry...I never knew this could hurt you.”

“It doesn’t hurt! It just feels...weird,” Ryuji tried to suppress the blush he felt threatening to come on. “It's fine. It was an accident. It’s not like we know how this thing always works so don’t apologize for something like that.”

“....there is a lot we don’t understand about this.” Tomohisa held his hand between both of his own. He looked down at them, expression thoughtful. “This connection...I wonder how deep it really runs.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I hold your hands, it gives me a warm memory. I want to keep holding them because it’s you. I never want to let go. I can’t tell the reason behind it but...I like it. I like being with you like this.”

Ryuji thought it was really unfair how easily Tomohisa could say something like that.

“That reminds me, you didn’t write anything while we were filming.”

“Huh? Oh...” It took him a moment to understand what Tomohisa meant. “I thought it was best that way. You couldn’t really afford to have anything show up at the wrong time. And with those cameras on us for so long, it was more risky. I didn’t think you’d really notice.”

It had been harder than he thought to restrain himself. Ryuji was used to writing things on himself. He figured it would have been harder had he not had the commercial and show to deal with at the same time.

“I noticed. I’m so used to your writing just appearing all the sudden. It was weird not seeing it for so long.” Tomohisa smiled but it seemed off. “Ryuji, Why didn’t you tell me about the commercial?”

Ryuji blinked. He hadn't expected that question to suddenly come up but maybe he should have.

“Same reason you didn’t tell me about about your filming,” Ryuji shrugged. It was easier if he tried to stay distant from the question. “You were busy. And had to figure things out. I needed to figure out things, too.”

“I wish you talked to me about it.”

“...you can’t ask something from me you don’t do yourself,” Ryuji tilted his head back. “You said nothing happened with your filming. If you want me to talk to you about these things, you need to talk to me, too.”

Ryuji wanted to point out that while he never said anything, Tomohisa had lied but held back. He didn't want to fight, not about this.

Like he could tell what Ryuji was thinking, Tomohisa's tone became quieter. “...I guess I didn’t want to admit how much I was struggling.”

“Of all times for your pride to show up...” Ryuji muttered under his breath. Tomohisa must of caught it since he let out a weak laugh.

“I know, but...I don't think it had to do with pride.” Tomohisa leaned back against the couch. He was still holding Ryuji's hand. “I was confused. I kept getting these different idea's in my head on how confessions in love should be. It wasn't until I talked to you I could get a grasp on it.”

Ryuji hummed, not really sure how to read into that. “I'm glad I could help in some way.”

“What about you? What happened with the commercial?”

Tomohisa had opened up to him. It was only fair Ryuji did that same now.

“...I wasn’t what the promoters wanted. Not really.” It was something Ryuji had realized when they showed him the concept art. “I think they only approached me because I post about their products a lot. But their first reaction was doing something one of you guys would fit better. They thought the contrast would bring in people but it just made me...”

“You were uncomfortable.” Tomohisa frowned. He squeezed Ryuji's hand like he was trying to comfort him.

“They were surprised when I told them my idea for the new commercial we went with. They said it hasn’t even occurred to them to let me wear the make up,” Ryuji smiles bitterly. “I'm sure they didn’t think I actually use the products I talk about.”

Ryuji was used to it by now. He’s learned there’s some people that don’t bat an eye over his preferences, but there’s those that look at him and think he should try something else.

“I don’t mind doing things outside my comfort zone. But this was just...too much.”

Ryuji knew what they were looking for and he knew he wasn't it. He wanted to try anyway because it was his job to but...

“Seeing the second commercial...you look much happier, Ryuji.” Tomohisa said. “You're at your best when you're being yourself. I wouldn't want you to be any other way.”

“...It's always how you say it,” Ryuji shook his head with a small laugh. Really. He didn't know how Tomohisa did it. It would be so much easier to brush off the things he said if he wasn't so sincere with every word. So much easier if it didn't make Ryuji feel so warm to hear. Before he could think it through, he asked, “What do you think of me, Tomo?”

It was selfish question but he felt like he had to know. At least even a little bit. Something to ease the anxiousness in his chest.

Tomohisa's looked surprised at the sudden question but still answered with a soft smile.

“You’re important to me. The most important. That’s one doubt I’ll never have.” he said sincerely. “And you? What do you think of me?”

“You drive me up the wall.” Ryuji said bluntly. He looked down where their hands were still connected. “But...you’re important to me, too. If I had to have this connection with someone...there’s no one I’d want other than Tomo.”

“I’m glad.”

Tomohisa’s head lightly knocked against his. Ryuji wondered if he just imagined the pink tint in his partners cheeks.

“You’re the only one I want to be with, too.”

Now that really wasn’t fair. Ryuji was tempted to ask in what way but he held back. He already knew he was pushing things enough as it was. He could stay content with what he got tonight. It was enough just to know this much.

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Are we really going to play sports?” Ryuji sighed. He shifted behind Tomohisa so instead leaning against the one shoulder, he had his arms around Tomohisa's neck in a loose embrace. Tomohisa could feel the way his pressed his head against the back of his neck. His breath hit his skin as he spoke. “I hate sports. And why soccer? It's so much running.”

Tomohisa patted his arm with a light laugh. “You'd look cute in a soccer outfit though. I'd like to see that.”

“I look good in anything.” Ryuji straightened up with a huff. Tomohisa turned in his seat to look at him better and held back a laugh at the light blush over Ryuji's cheeks. “Okay, fine. Let's go. I want to know what this Justice Hoover thing is about anyway.”

After sending a text than they'll meet up with the others after they were done here, Tomohisa absently touched his neck, already missing Ryuji's warmth.

* * *

Tomohisa knew he saw Ryuji differently. He's just wasn't sure when it happened.

Well. Differently wasn’t the correct way to put it. He’s always known Ryuji was amazing. He was cute and handsome and hard working. He’s admired Ryuji from the start and valued the relationship they had. Being soulmates was just another part of their bond he held close.

But lately he’s felt the need to be closer. He feels off when he doesn’t feel Ryuji leaning against him in some way when they were together. He feels off when he doesn't hear his voice next to him or see his writing on himself at least two or three times a week.

Tomohisa had been so confused when doing that drama. Ryuji asked if it was his fault and though Tomohisa still stands by what he said, he knew Ryuji hadn't been far off the mark.

Ryuji was his Soulmate. He was the one Tomohisa first thought of when he woke up and last one when he first falls asleep. He's the only one he can imagine always by his side. He was sure even if they didn't have this bond, he'd still consider Ryuji to be his destined partner.

But did that really count as love? He tries to think of how his parents describe love and somehow it feels different than what he feels with Ryuji. Did their bond make it feel different when falling for someone or was love a lot more different for everyone than he originally thought?

It wasn't hard to imagine being with Ryuji like that. It was so easy it was almost scary.

Ryuji told him before to think of something he can't forget and his first thought was standing with him on stage. Then he said a warm memory and he thought of his favourite childhood memory.

The memory that always reminded him of Ryuji somehow. The memory he always chased wanting to clear up and understand it better.

Playing soccer helped distract Tomohisa from those thoughts, even if he didn't full understand the rules yet. He did often find himself still watching Ryuji however. He was right, Ryuji was cute in his uniform but that wasn't what distracted him. It was too amusing to watch Ryuji do whatever he wanted to get kicked out of the game by Yuta. It was even more funny when Momotaro and Kento started to join in off the side with him.

Ryuji never did care about sports. Nor did he see much reason in putting much effort into something he could care less about. He recently said that Ryuji was at his best when being himself and it showed through today.

“Well, it ended up being a misunderstanding but it was still interesting playing soccer like that,” Ryuji stretched his arms over his head when they got home afterwards. “I really don't want to play again though.”

“I don’t think Yuta would count leaving the net whenever you could get away with it as playing.” Tomohisa pointed out as he put their bags on the floor.

“It’s his own fault. Yuta knows I don’t care about sports,” Ryuji said dismissively. “I don’t even know why they put me as a goalie, as if I’d let the ball hit me like that.”

Tomohisa thought back to Tatsuhiro trying to avoid hitting Ryuji and his own reluctance to be the one to kick the ball at him.

“I can see the reasoning in it.” It was probably a good thing Ryuji wasn’t aware of the soft spot a lot of people had for him. Ryuji gave him a questioning looking but Tomohisa only smiled in response. Realizing he wasn't going to get a better reply, Ryuji sighed and changed the subject.

“Would you have tried to go if your team won anyway?”

“I’m not sure...it would be interesting to see Justice Hoover and I enjoy spending time with Tsubasa but it really wasn’t a high priority for me.”

“I see.”

“What about you?”

“Hmm...probably same as you but everyone was starting to treat it like an actual date thing and I’m not interested in her like that.” Ryuji shrugged.

“What type of person are you interested in?” Tomohisa asked curiously. Ryuji paused when he went to grab his bag and looked at Tomohisa from the corner of his eye.

“We’re Soulmates and you’re really asking me that?” He said almost monotone.

“Do you think a Soulmate and a persons type are mutually exclusive?” Tomohisa asked back. Ryuji let out a huff, like he usually did when holding back a comment when Tomohisa asked certain things.

“Well,” Ryuji ran a hand through his hair as he started down the hall. “Apparently I like the frustratingly ridiculous type.”

“Ridiculous type...?” Tomohisa repeated.

“Yes. Hey, I’m taking a bath first so start the rice cooker for me.”

“Okay.” Tomohisa headed for the kitchen to do as told but he couldn’t help but feel like he missed something just now.


	3. With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little more difficult for me to write out so took longer than I wanted but glad I can finally post it!  
>  Please enjoy and thank you for waiting!

When Tomohisa went down to the lobby with Yuta and Momotaro, the last thing he expected was for there to be shouting when the elevator doors opened.

“Oh come on, it’s not that big a deal!”

“Bushy Brows, I swear if you don’t back off-!”

“Kento uses it so you know it’s safe!”

“Now I definitely won’t do it!”

The three of them exchanged confused looks.

“That sounds like Gochin...” Yuta frowned. Momotaro nodded.

“And Korekuni.”

“I think they're over there?” Tomohisa pointed to the sitting area on the far end of the lobby.

They went to where the source of the noise was coming from. Tomohisa wasn't sure was to expect to find but it wasn't Ryuji leaning over Goshi-practically in his lap-who had a tight grip on his wrists.

“.....Um, what’s going on here?” Yuta's voice sounded just as baffled as Tomohisa felt. Ryuji and Goshi's heads snapped over at the intrusion. Ryuji's expression lit up while Goshi's darkened.

“Yuta, come hold him down for me!”

“Ashu, don't you fucking dare! One of you get him away from me!”

“It’s just a face cream, so I don’t know why you're overreacting.” Ryuji rolled his eyes. It was then Tomohisa noticed the small bottle in his hand.

“Knowing you, it’ll probably dye my skin green or something!”

“I wouldn’t-” Ryuji paused. Uh-oh. “Actually, that might be fun to try.”

“LIKE _HELL_!”

Tomohisa has to admit, the situation was pretty amusing. Ryuji always did have a way of getting under Goshi’s skin, sometimes with the help of Yuta. But as interesting as it was to watch, he didn't exactly like seeing Ryuji over him like that. He should probably save Goshi.

“Okay, Ryuji. I think you’ve messed with Goshi enough,” He called out. Ryuji looked over with what started as a pout but soon frowned. He starred at Tomohisa for a couple seconds longer and let out a sigh.

“....fine,” Ryuji leaned back. Goshi held on, probably suspicious it was a trick before finally letting go. Ryuji climbed off of him and grabbed his bag off the floor to put the bottle inside. “There goes my fun for the afternoon.”

“I'm not you're damn clown to play around with!” Goshi glowered. Ryuji smiled, looking far too innocent.

“If you say so.”

“Damn you-!”

“No fair!” Yuta suddenly cut in. He rushed over, wailing, “If you were gonna prank Gochin you should've told me! I could have put it on him in his sleep!”

“That's a good idea.”

“Ashu. Shut. Up!”

“They have an interesting relationship,” Momotaro commented. Tomohisa gave him a questioning look so he clarified, “Korekuni and Kaneshiro.”

“Ryuji's always liked to tease Goshi,” Tomohisa shrugged. “But when it comes to work, they do well together. As much as Goshi gets annoyed with him, he does value Ryuji's insights on things.”

“He has a soft spot for Korekuni?”

“I think most do when it comes to Ryuji.”

Momotaro nodded with a small smile. “That's why we made him the goalie when playing soccer.”

Tomohisa already suspected as much but having it confirmed like this made him laugh.

“So what are you three up to?” Ryuji asked once they were all settled down around the coffee table. He took out a Chupa Chups and started fiddling with the wrapper.

“I was visiting with Momo when he had to meet up with Yuta. I just came to walk them down.” Tomohisa explained.

“Yeah, Gochin promised to take us out for ramen!” Yuta grinned. Goshi frowned.

“I did no such thing. I said I was getting a bite with Momotaro, you decided to tag along.”

“Don't be so stingy, I can come! Momochi doesn't mind, right?”

“I really don't.”

“See!” Yuta stuck his tongue out. That just Goshi more livid. Before things could continue, Ryuji turned to Tomohisa and Momotaro. “What were you two up to?”

“Ah, we were discussing the trip coming up.” Tomohisa explained. “Since you and Kazu have that photoshoot.”

“Oh, right. I forgot...” Ryuji mumbled. “That's this weekend, right?”

“You...don't forget stuff like that.” Goshi frowned at him. Ryuji threw the wrapper in his hand at him. “Hey!”

“Wow, maybe you guys should go for that ramen soon.” Ryuji said to Momotaro and Yuta. “His personality gets worse when he's hungry.”

“You-!”

“Okay, let's go!” Yuta jumped up and started tugging on Goshi's arm. “C'mon, Gochin! We can't leave without you since your paying!”

It was an obvious way of distracting Goshi and it worked. Goshi's glare turned to a look of disbelief.

“Since when did I agree to that?!”

“It's the gentlemanly thing to do!”

“He's right.” Momotaro chimed in.

“Don't agree with him!”

* * *

Ryuji was still laughing as they stepped off the elevator.

“Oh my god, that really made my day!” He giggled. “Did you see his face when Momo grabbed him, too? Ah, I almost wish I went along with them.”

Tomohisa couldn't help but smile at Ryuji's pure joy. It was hard not to be effected by it. “You really like bugging Goshi, huh?”

“His reactions are funny. This really is a normal cream but when he got so suspicious, I couldn’t help myself!” Ryuji grinned. “We were having a good discussion before he saw the bottle and asked about it. It's not my fault he jumps to conclusions like that.”

Thinking back on all the pranks Ryuji's pulled, Tomohisa really couldn't blame Goshi.

Once at their place, Ryuji goes straight for his tablet and pulls up the calendar.

“Wait, it really is this weekend?”

“You forgot?”

“I guess.” Ryuji frowns. “So we really can't go together...well, I don't mind heading over with Kazu. I'll call Andy later to check on the tickets.”

Tomohisa has a feeling Andy already took care of it but decides to leave Ryuji to check for himself, just in case.

“It'll be weird not being on a plane with you.” He comments. Ryuji gives him a flat look in response.

“You've traveled without me before.”

“I always better when your with me though.”

“Don't exaggerate.” Ryuji rolled his eyes. He reached over to the table to a grab a pen and waved it with a playful smirk. “How about I write something so the ridiculous prince doesn't get too lonely without me?”

“Okay! I'd like that.”

“....you agreed way too quickly, Tomo.”

* * *

When Tomohisa woke up that weekend, Ryuji was already gone. On the inside of Tomohisa’s wrist is a cat head and lion head doodle. Tomohisa smiles slightly as he remembers Ryuji’s words on leaving something for him. He hadn't expected Ryuji really would do it since he had a photoshoot but he must have known before hand he'd be able to cover his wrist. He goes looking for a pen and finds one of Ryuji’s colourful ones. Between the two animals, Tomohisa draws a small pink heart.

While on the plane, Tomohisa traces over the little drawings. He tries to picture how Ryuji’s expression will be when he realizes the add on and laughs.

Tomohisa startles slightly when next to him, Mikado suddenly asks, “Was that left by Kore-San?”

He remembers Ryuji telling him Mikado knew about them and nodded. “Yeah. Ryuji thought it would cheer me up since we’re not traveling together.”

“You two really do a lot together, huh?” Mikado smiled.

“Since Bambi. Even before we became partners.”

“The hard working duo,” Mikado shifted slightly but his movements were limited. Momotaro had fallen asleep with his head on Mikado's shoulders. The sight reminded Tomohisa so much of Ryuji that he felts his heart clench. He really wanted to see him. “You two had good chemistry even back then. It's no surprise you picked each other.”

Something Mikado said stuck out. Did they pick each other? When Tomohisa thinks about it, he can't really deny it. When they were first starting to know each other, there were many points where one could have walked away. Either from Bambi or each other. But they kept up with the extra practices togther. They always chose to work together whenever possible. They spent time together outside of lessons even before they were chosen for Kitakore.

When Tomohisa thinks about, even back then he didn't really want someone else by his side like that other than Ryuji. It was always him.

“I guess you're right.” He says, tracing over the marks absently. “We really did pick each other.”

* * *

* * *

* * *

“Ryuji...hey, Ryuji...can you wake up for me?”

There was a gentle touch across his cheek, a soft voice nearby.

“....You really wake him up like that?”

“Heh, I’m not joking when I say he’s like a devil when he wakes up. This is the only thing that guarantees he won’t throw a pillow at me. Or kick me.”

“He’s kicked you!?”

“Close to it. I know he managed to kick Yuta once.”

That laugh...he knew that laugh. And that other voice so that meant...

“Tomo...?” Ryuji cracked his eyes open enough to make out his partners blurry figure.

“It’s me. Come on, let’s get you to our room.”

“...too tired.”

Ryuji turned his head to press it back into the couch pillow. Next to them, he could hear Kazuna trying to wake Tatsuhiro. From the sounds of it, he was a lot more willing to get up than Ryuji was.

“I’ll help you up. Here, put your arms around me.”

Still not quite all there, Ryuji didn’t think twice when he put his arms around Tomohisa’s neck before being lifted. He let out a whine when he was set down on his feet and having to stand now. At least there was a hand around his waist keep him steady.

“Better?”

“I’d rather you carry me than make me walk,” Ryuji yawned. He heard a soft “wow” and that was enough to snap him awake. He glanced next to them to see Kazuna with an awkward smile and Tatsuhiro looking off to the side. He ducked his head hoping his hair hid the fierce blush he felt spreading.

Luckily, Tomohisa picked up on his embarrassment and spoke up.

“So tomorrow is the filming for the performance, right?”

“Yeah,” Kazuna looked greatful for the subject change. “Practice in the morning first though. So we should head to be now.”

“Sounds good. Leader, Onzai and you are sharing a bed since he won the draw.”

“I keep telling you guys you don't need to decide thinks like that...you three won't fit on the other bed, I'll take the couch.”

“That's not...”

Kazuna and Tatsuhiro's voices trailed off as they went down the hall. Ryuji's lips twitched in amusement before looking up at Tomohisa.

“So are you gonna carry me?” He asked.

“Are you sure you want me to carry you?” Tomohisa asked back. His eyes were sparkling too much. Ryuji suddenly felt he needed his guard up.

“...I'll walk.”

Once they were in their room, Ryuji sat on the bed while Tomohisa changed in his pajama's. They took the room with the single bed since it made the most sense. Ryuji wonder how MooNs was going to cram three people into one bed though.

“I didn't get a chance to asked before, but how was the plane ride here?” Tomohisa's voice was muffled as he pulled the shirt over his head. Ryuji pretended his eyes weren't roaming over Tomohisa's back before answering.

“...It was fine. I liked traveling with Kazu. He makes things interesting.”

“He said you two had a good talk while on the plane but he didn’t say what it was about.”

“Mm-hm, that’s our secret,” Ryuji pressed a finger to his lips with a small smile when Tomohisa looked over. In truth, he normally wouldn’t mind telling Tomohisa what they talked about. However, it looked like Kazuna wanted to keep it between the two of them for now. So he would respect that. “But looks like you two had fun today. Did you guys have a good time after we left?”

“We did. I think it’s the most fun we’ve had together like that in awhile.” Tomohisa smile grew, making Ryuji’s soften in return. This is what he hoped would happen. Things may have slowly gotten better between the two, but it has still be a while since Ryuji last saw Tomohisa so happy after spending time with Kazuna.

“I’m glad,” He said quietly. And he really meant it. He knew sometimes he would feel a little jealousy but he’s always known how important Kazuna was to Tomohisa. It was like his own relationship with Yuta and he could never get in the way of that.

He stretched his arms over his head, letting out a sigh at the release of tension in his shoulders and fell back against the bed. “Ah, this bed is so comfy...I’ll sleep good tonight.”

“You didn’t have to wait up.”

“I didn’t. This show Tatsu’s been telling me about was having a marathon and I guess we ended up fall- _hah_ -falling asleep,” Ryuji yawned. “Ah, I wish I could have slept earlier....”

“You didn’t sleep on the plane?” Tomohisa was done changing and sat next to Ryuji. Ryuji raised a brow at the barely buttoned night shirt but didn't comment on it. He was too used to Tomohisa not caring what he wore in bed.

“I tried but it felt weird when I wasn’t with you to lean on. And then I tried sleeping against Tatsu but he’s all muscle. You’re really the only one I can sleep with.”

“You share a bed with Yuta often,” Tomohisa pointed out but Ryuji waved him off.

“That doesn’t count. I usually kick him to the floor because he moves around so much. I don’t know how Goshi and Kento stand it when they have to share.” Ryuji shifted around until he could kick the blanket aside enough to crawl under it. “Actually, I might kick you to the floor, too. This is too comfy to share.”

“I'll just pull you to the ground with me if you tried.”

Ryuji didn't doubt he meant it.

As Tomohisa went to turn off the bedroom light, he seemed to remember something.

“By the way, thank you, Ryuji.”

“Huh?” Ryuji blinked. Where did that come from? “For what?”

“I’m not sure what you and Kazu talked about and I won’t pry...still, it feels like I need to say thank you.”

“Hmm...” Ryuji hummed softly. He wondered how much Tomohisa managed to put together himself. “You don’t have to. But your welcome I guess. Besides, you’d do the same for me, right?”

“I would. Anything to make you happy.”

“...same here,” Ryuji rolled over and tried to hide his smile against his pillow. The light turned off and soon he felt the bed shift as Tomohisa got into bed himself.

“I really missed you on the plane today.”

“It was only a few hours,” Ryuji sighed. When Tomohisa was settled next to him, Ryuji rolled over.

He had to feel around for it, but soon was able to grab Tomohisa’s hand. It was harder to make out in the dark like this, but he still traced over where he knew the doodles were. They were probably starting to fade now and would be gone by morning. He still remembers being shocked when he felt Tomohisa draw something himself, jumping in place while his hair was being done for the photoshoot. And the exasperation to see the heart there.

Tomohisa doesn't say anything. Ryuji can feel his eyes on him as he lets Ryuji trace over the spot over and over. It's then Ryuji realizes he forgot to tell him something.

“I forgot...there's something you need to know about. While you and Kazu were gone, he guys told me something. It's about Mika.”

“Is everything okay?”

“It is now but...” With a deep breath, Ryuji told Tomohisa everything the others told him. Well, that Mikado told him since he did most of the talking.

“I can't believe that,” Tomohisa sounded shocked afterwards. “I never would have guessed.”

“I'm more surprised no one in MooNs knew about it,” Ryuji's voice was quiet. “Not telling the rest of us makes sense. But I always thought MooNs were all close.”

“Some things are harder to talk about than others,” Tomohisa glanced at him. “We all have things we don't like discussing.”

“That's a pretty big thing to keep from your group.” Ryuji said flatly. This and his family were two different things. And it's not like he hid it from Tomohisa. But between this and Hikaru's sickness, Ryuji wondered what else MooNs would end up finding out about each other. Ryuji suddenly remembered the look Momotaro when Mikado had explained what happened. Ryuji wondered how he felt about almost losing Mikado like that. “I don't understand why he didn't tell Momo though...”

For all that Mikado boasted about Momotaro, Ryuji couldn't believe Momotaro had no idea of Mikado's situation. Ryuji had no idea what their relationship was. He suspected before that they were Soulmates, but his conversation with Mikado several months ago proved otherwise. Still, Soulmates or not, Ryuji wasn't sure how Momotaro ended up in the same category as everyone else to keep this from.

Ryuji glanced up at Tomohisa.

If Tomohisa did that to him, if Tomohisa kept that big of a secret from him like everyone else, would he have been able to forgive him?

As the thought occurred to him, Ryuji remembered something and let out a short laugh. Ah. That's right. No wonder this bothered him so much.

“What is it?” Tomohisa asked. Ryuji shook his head.

“It's nothing.” Ryuji took his hand back and started playing with a loose thread on the pillow. It gave him something to focus on as he gathered his thoughts.

“I always thought that...that it would be us.” He admitted. “What Mika had to go though...I thought it would be us. You having to decide between being an idol or being with your family.”

It was a fear Ryuji always held in and pushed away. Tomohisa’s family owned a hospital and several research facilities. Almost everyone in his family had something to do with one of those.

Tomohisa was the youngest so he wasn’t really expected to take over anything. His sister loved her work so it wasn’t as though she’d suddenly step down from her role as heiress. But still, Ryuji knew how Tomohisa originally had to convince his father why he wanted to join Bambi in the first place. How his parents and sister fully supported him now despite Tomohisa saying it was a struggle at first.

Yet Ryuji couldn't shake that lingering fear of Tomohisa having to walk away, leaving him alone after everything.

Mikado’s situation just made all those suppressed feelings resurface all over again.

“Ryuji...” Tomohisa suddenly pulled him close by the waist, tucking Ryuji's head under his chin. When he spoke, Ryuji could feel the vibrations against his chest. “Even if I had to choose, I'm not going anywhere.”

“You sure?” Ryuji hated how small his voice sounded. “Your family’s background is even bigger than Mika’s. They might need you one day.”

“I’m sure. If I end up going anywhere, I’ll take you with me.”

The way he said it almost made it sound like a vow. Ryuji let himself lean against him more.

“Do I get a choice in the matter?”

“Hm, I wonder.” Tomohisa hummed thoughtfully. His tone was almost playful. “Would you let me kidnap you, Ryuji? Let me make you stay with me? We could even run away together.”

Ryuji was so shocked he let out a startled laugh. He was sure was being teased now. He shoved his hand against Tomohisa’s shoulder and pushed him back.

“Enough, now your just being annoying on purpose.”

“Hehe, maybe a little,” he admitted. He reached and lightly stroked the top of Ryuji’s head. Now that Ryuji's eyes were adjusting better, he could see Tomohisa's expression shifting into something softer. “In all seriousness though. I wouldn’t decide something that big on my own. Not with something like that. I really would want to bring you with me if I ever had to leave.”

He sounded so sincere. Ryuji felt something in him flutter.

It takes him awhile, but when he's able to speak through the emotions building inside, he says, “...I know you wouldn't leave though. You'd never quit being an idol.”

“What makes you say that?” Tomohisa sounded curious.

Ryuji leaned his head against him and closed his eyes.

“We're too similar. You love singing and performing as much as I do. You wouldn't leave without a fight.”

Ryuji was starting to doze off. He thinks Tomohisa says something to him but he can't make it out. Ryuji just nods and hums sleepily. If he remembers, he'll ask Tomohisa about it later. For now, he was too taken in by how warm it was next to him.


	4. Blinding The Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't mean for this chapter to be 9 pages long but sometimes we just need a long chapter in Tomo's POV   
>  please enjoy!

Things soon become chaotic once more. They’ve told the truth to Tsubasa of what they found out about her connection to Yashamaru. They find out just how bitter and resentful Yashamaru is.

It’s a lot to take it for all of them. More so for Tsubasa and even KiLLER KiNG. They weren’t as close with him and were baffled to find out what exactly happened with that almost transfers to Highedge Records.

Tomohisa didn't handle frustration well. He's always tried to remain calm enough for situations. Ryuji had always been the more emotional one between them. But even Tomohisa had a hard time not letting the situation get to him. It became harder as they became more aware of just how much Yashamaru intended to ruin Tsubasa as their A&R.

“He's a petty man,” Ryuji muttered under his breath. Tomohisa glanced at him. Ryuji was slumped down against the couch and scowling as he was scrolling through his tablet. He was looking over his and Tomohisa's schedules. Tomohisa was sure he was trying to memorize the last minute changes Tsubasa had to make or was still in the process of doing. “I don't get Yashamaru-San at all.”

“I don't either.” Tomohisa frowned. He shouldn't be surprised after the last stuff he pulled but it was still hard to accept this is who Yashamaru was. Just how was this the same person as the man that took care of them for so long? With a sigh, he grabbed the empty glasses on the coffee table and went to refill them just so he had something to do. “I hope it doesn't escalate.”

“We should be prepared. Just in case.” Ryuji sounded resigned. In the kitchen, Tomohisa heard a phone ring. From the ringtone, he knew it was Ryuji's.

“Everything okay?” He called out when Ryuji didn't answer it.

“Not sure. I don't know why he's calling.” Tomohisa frowned. He wasn't able to ask before Ryuji finally answered the call. “What is it? You don't...”

“....what? What are you taking about?” Tomohisa immediately returned to the living room. He couldn’t see his expression but Ryuji’s tone said enough. “When did it...I see. Where is he staying? Okay. I'll...I'll let you know if I do. Thanks...for telling me. Goodbye.”

Ryuji ended the call and just stared at his phone. He face was pale and his expression blank.

“Ryuji?” Tomohisa was quick to move to his side. “What’s wrong? Who was that?”

Ryuji blinked at him. He didn't seem aware that Tomohisa was there at first. “Huh? Oh....that was...um, that was my dads assistant. He...he said my dad had an accident on the set. He’s at the hospital. It’s not serious but at his age...”

Ryuji let out a shaky breath. Tomohisa rubbed his back. He wasn't sure was to do but it was the only thing he could think of right now to steady him.

“...what do you want to do? Do you want to go see him?”

“I...” Ryuji hesitated. He started fiddling with his bangs before returning to grip his phone in both hands again. “I don’t know...his assistant only called me because he thought I should know. Dad actually told him not to bother getting a hold of any of us. Part of me just wants to give him what he wants and avoid the place. I doubt it really matters to him to see any of us...”

Ryuji tried to sound indifferent. The way he usually does when trying to separate from a situation. He was tensing up. His eyes flickering around. Tomohisa knew right away Ryuji was close to taking off. Tomohisa moved his hand from Ryuji's back and instead placed it at the back of Ryuji's neck. Ryuji startled at the action but soon took a deep breath, releasing some of that tension as he leaned into the touch.

“And the other part?” Tomohisa asked him. He rubbed his thumb against Ryuji's skin and that seemed to relax him a little more.

“.....I want to make sure he’s okay.” Ryuji admitted. “See for myself since I’m the only one in the city...but....” He looked up at Tomohisa, unsure. “What do you think I should do?”

Tomohisa’s first instinct was to say “don’t go” or some variation of it. Matsukura rarely-if ever-made an attempt to see Ryuji, even when Ryuji wasn't in hospital. He knew how much seeing Matsukura made Ryuji feel conflicted and closed off. He hated seeing him like that. He hated how instantly any mention of his family made Ryuji’s mood drop and how he struggled to play it off.

But he also knew how much Ryuji cared about his father despite all of that.

“I won’t stop you if you want to go.” Tomohisa told him. “If you really want to go, than you should. Even if it's just a quick visit to ease your worries.”

“But you don’t think I should, right?” Trust Ryuji to pick up on it right away. Tomohisa smiled warily.

“It’s not about me. What I think doesn’t matter right now. I just want you to do what your comfortable with.”

“....what I’m comfortable with, huh?” Ryuji repeated quietly. He started running a hand through his hair. He fell silents, getting lost in his thoughts. As Tomohisa waited for him to decide, he continued to rub his neck. Finally, Ryuji glanced at him.

“....if I go, will you come with me?”

Without any hesitation, Tomohisa replied, “Of course.”

* * *

“You know they hire stunt people for a reason, right?”

Tomohisa isn’t surprised when Ryuji just walks into the room without knocking. He can’t find it in himself to gently scold him about it as he usually would have.

They left for the hospital the same hour Ryuji was contacted. On the bed with his leg slightly elevated, Matsukura Kenzo lights up when he sees his son.

“Ryu! I didn’t know you were coming. Hello, Tomohisa-Kun.”

“Hello, Matsukura-San.” Tomohisa nodded is head in greeting.

“I figured may as well stop over since it's not too far.” It's not a lie but not exactly the truth either. Ryuji walks into the room, Tomohisa right by his side. He notices the way Ryuji frowns when he glances around the room. It’s the hospital Tomohisa’s family owns, so he wonders if Ryuji’s remembering the room he stayed in. If he was even able to.

“When your assistant called, he sounded so panicked I thought you got into a car accident or something, not just hurt yourself on a fight scene.” Even indifferent, Ryuji's tone held slight criticism. He approached the bed and sat by Matsukura's good leg. “Seriously, you can’t do some of that stuff anymore.”

“My assistant said the same thing when I got the roll.” Matsukura chuckled.

“Yet you still took it.” Ryuji shook his head with a sigh. He started kicking his legs back and forth, staring at the floor. “You're lucky it wasn't worse. One of these days you're really going to take it too far, then you'll only have yourself to blame. What a reckless parent.”

Ryuji was rambling at this point. Tomohisa knows he's trying to keep hold of the conversation. Keep it on steady ground he was familiar with. He's keeping a close eye on Ryuji's reactions, so he notices the way he becomes too still at Matsukura's next words.

“....you really remind me of your mother when you get like this. Even your tone is similar.”

Matsukura sounds fond when he says this. His gaze is soft as he watches Ryuji, thinking about his wife that Ryuji resembles so much in appearance. Tomohisa wonders when the last time was he saw her.

“Have you even told her what happened?” Ryuji's tone is too sharp. He didn’t wait for an answer. “Make sure you listen to your doctor. Just because it’s not a bad fracture doesn’t mean you can go back on set right away. Don't make things worse by being careless with everything.”

Before Matsukura could respond, Ryuji's phone went off.

“Why are so many people calling me tonight?” Ryuji mutters. Tomohisa leans over to see the screen and sees Yuta's photo. Tomohisa is relieved for the timing.

“You should answer. It could be important.” Truthfully, Tomohisa doubt it might be. But he knows Ryuji told Yuta what happened and hoped this was Yuta checking up on him. If it meant Ryuji could step out, even for a short while, then it wasn't a bad thing.

Ryuji looks between him and his father. He gives Tomohisa a look, as though silently telling him to be good, and steps out. Tomohisa watches him go with a weak smile.

Once the door shuts behind Ryuji, there's a brief silence in the room. Tomohisa wasn't used to being left about with Ryuji's father.

“How is Ryu doing? Is he doing okay at home?” He asks, making Tomohisa frown.

“Isn’t that something you should ask Ryuji?”

“I’m not sure if he’d tell me the truth if I did.” Matsukura admitted. Tomohisa wondered if it was a good thing that he was aware of that. “Is he happy with B-Project?”

“...He is. Ryuji wouldn’t stick with something this long that didn’t make him happy.”

When he tries, it only hurts Ryuji in the end. If he wasn't happy as an idol, he wouldn't put the effort he does into it.

Matsukura nods his head, like he was agreeing with Tomohisa.

“I don’t know how much it means coming from me, but I’m glad he has you.” His words catch Tomohisa off guard. “Ryu isn’t the type that likes to be told what to do too much. If he stayed with a partner chosen for him, it’s because he wants to.”

For some reason, Tomohisa's chest pricks when he hears that.

“We chose each other,” Tomohisa’s tone comes out firmer than he means to and is quick to even it out. “The people at Bambi gave us Kitakore’s name and decided we should be a in a group together, but we decided on our own to work hard to make sure we stayed together.”

“....as expected of him.”

Tomohisa's not sure what to say to that.

Luckily, Ryuji came back in at that moment. He didn't look as tense now, so Tomohisa's hopes that means Yuta managed to help him relax even a little.

“Hey, the nurse said you have another visitor waiting to see you so we'll be heading out now. Don't push things again.”

“Hopefully next time we see each other, it'll be under better circumstances.” Matsukura laughs lightly. “Thank you for coming, Ryu. It was a nice surprise.”

“I guess. See you later.” Ryuji shrugged, already turning away. He tosses something onto the bed before leaving. A quick glimpse revealed it was a pen.

When Tomohisa shuts the door behind him, he sees Matsukura twirling it similar to the way Ryuji does time to time.

Once they were in Tomohisa's car, Ryuji's expression twisted slightly.

“Do I even want to ask what you two talked about?” His tone was so wary that Tomohisa couldn’t help but laugh.

“Why do you sound like that?”

“Since we met, I can count on one hand the amount of times you’ve talked to my dad and been in the same room as him. It’s the only time I really see you like this.”

“Like what?” Tomohisa blinked when Ryuji suddenly reached up at him and pressed a finger between his eyebrows.

“Like this. You actually look annoyed.” Ryuji huffed with a bitter smile. “Whatever he said, don't let it get to you.”

“...it's not that he really said anything,” Tomohisa took Ryuji's hand and lowered it. Ryuji didn't comment when he kept holding it.

True, nothing Matsukura said was bad in particular. Maybe it was the fact he didn't try asking Ryuji himself how he was doing that got to Tomohisa. Or the fact he spoke like he understood Ryuji despite not being around much that did it.

Without thinking, Tomohisa says, “Is it bad if I say I don’t like him much?”

“Depends. Is it bad that that's the politest way I've heard someone say they don't like him?” Ryuji asked back. He slumped down in the seat and started kicking off his shoes. “People either like him or don't. I don't blame you for not liking him any more than I blame Momo for liking him. It's how things are. How they've always been.”

There it was again. That calm detachment.

“Ryuji.”

“Hm?”

“Before we go home, let's go for a drive.”

That caught his attention. Ryuji looked over with curiousity. “Drive where?”

“Nowhere really.” Tomohisa shrugged. He started up the car and backed out of the parking spot. “Let's just drive around.”

Though still confused, Ryuji eventually nodded. “Okay.”

They really didn't go anywhere. Tomohisa knew what roads made it easy for them to avoid traffic that appeared even at this time. Ryuji fiddled with the radio for awhile before giving up on that. He connected his phone to the cars Bluetooth instead. Tomohisa was amused when he put on Kitakore songs. They didn't talk about Matsukura at all. They didn't talk about what happened when Tomohisa was alone with him briefly. They didn't talk about the mix of emotions Ryuji was surely feeling.

By the time Tomohisa pulled into the underground parking lot, Ryuji was fast asleep in his seat. His breathing was deep and steady. It made Tomohisa reluctant to wake him up. So for now, he just kept the car running a bit longer. There was no reason to disturb him just yet. Not when he looked relaxed for the first time since that phone call.

* * *

If Ryuji wanted to talk about seeing his father, he hid it well. Not that Tomohisa really expected Ryuji to open up about it. Tomohisa decided to leave it up to him to decide if he wanted to acknowledge the visit at all.

The next few days were busy enough to be a good distraction at the very least. At least, Tomohisa thought so until he saw Ryuji anxiously tapping away at his phone one morning in the kitchen.

“Is everything okay? You look upset.”

“Hm? Yeah, things are fine. I’m not upset, just worried.”

“Worried?”

“Yuta and camping just screams ‘Bad Idea’. I really don’t trust him not to get lost out there.” Ryuji sighed.

“Ah, I forgot that was today.” Tomohisa remembered Yuta running into the apartment, begging them to come along and the whine he let out at the blunt 'no' Ryuji gave him. He noticed the bowl of cut up fruit on the counter and took piece of cantaloupe from it. “How long are they gone for?

“Just for the night.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine then. He’s with Goshi and Kento and they know his habits.” Tomohisa reassured. He took a strawberry this time.

“That really doesn’t reassure me with how history keeps repeating itself...” Ryuji muttered. He glanced down at his phone one last time before slipping it into his pocket. “I guess worrying won’t do any good if they have bad service once they get there.”

He noticed Tomohisa reaching for the bowl again and slapped his hand.

“Enough, use a fork!” He scolded. Tomohisa still took another strawberry piece and stepped back with a laugh when Ryuji went to smack his arm.

Licking the juices off his fingers, Tomohisa commented, “I’m surprised you didn’t go. It’s not like we have anything today.”

Ryuji didn't respond right away. When Tomohisa looked at him, Ryuji looked unusually flustered.

“Ryuji?”

Calling his name seemed to snap him out of it. Grabbing two forks from the drawer, he took the bowl and headed for the living room. Tomohisa followed after and couldn't help but feel amused.

“I don't see the point of camping if it's just for one night. At least make it a weekend thing.” Ryuji paused, looking thoughtful as he sat on the couch. “But it would have been fun messing with Kento. I bet he’ll be screaming as soon as they walk into the cabin.”

“Do you like camping, Ryuji?” Tomohisa was suddenly curious. Now that he's thought about it, he doesn't think Ryuji ever expressed interest in it.

“It’s alright. I think I’d enjoy it more now than I did in middle school.”

“Field trip?”

“Yeah.” Ryuji said the word casually enough but with the way he turned away slightly, Tomohisa could tell the subject was making him uncomfortable.

Tomohisa was home schooled and didn't get to experience a lot of things that go on in school. But he's noticed over the years that Ryuji didn't like talking about it much, especially middle school. So he didn't push it.

They've been under a lot of stress lately. Between Yashamaru's interference and recently seeing Ryuji's father, Tomohisa couldn't blame Ryuji if he was feeling overwhelmed. As he tried to think of something to help Ryuji that would help both of them, Tomohisa remembered something.

He knew just what to do. He turned to Ryuji with a bright grin and said, “Let’s go on a date.”

“Hm? Sure...wait, what?!” Ryuji’s tone became higher as he realized what he agreed to. He looked up with wide eyes and repeated, “What?”

“Let's go on a date. Most of the others have gone camping. We have the next few days free, so let’s go out and do something.”

“But a...seriously?” Ryuji looked so baffled that Tomohisa couldn't help but laugh.

“Go change. We can go for lunch before we do anything.”

“Do what?” Ryuji blinked at him. “Do you even have something planned? Tomo, you're too impulsive! You can't just spring something like this on me without warning!”

“It'll be a surprise.”

“Are you kidding me!?” Despite the complaints, Ryuji stood up as he spoke and went to return the bowl to the kitchen. “Seriously, at least tell me where we're going so I can dress properly!”

“Something comfortable to walk around in.” Tomohisa called after him.

“That tells me nothing!” Ryuji said irritably when going to his room.

Once Tomohisa heard the door close, he pulled out his phone and called Andy.

“Andy? I'm sorry this is short notice. Could you do a favour for me?”

* * *

* * *

Tomohisa's first date, if it could be called that, was with Ryuji back when they were in Bambi.

After asking his sister for help deciding and getting Andy's assistance, he hurried to Ryuji's side after practicing.

“Ryuji, do you have time today?” He asked a little too quickly, his excitement showing through.

“Huh?” Ryuji looked surprised at the sudden question. “Why?”

“Would you be okay not doing extra practice today? I’d like to go somewhere together.”

“Together?” Ryuji's head tilted to the side, a little confused. “Where?”

“I want to go to the zoo with you.”

Ryuji blinked at him.

“What?”

An hour later, they were dropped off by Andy with a time frame of when he'd come get them again. Ryuji still looked unsure of coming her, but Tomohisa was glad he still agreed to come with him.

Maybe his joy was apparent because Ryuji looked at him in amusement. “You seem excited, Tomo.”

“I love the Zoo. It’s been a long time since I’ve come though, so I don’t know what's changed since then.” Tomohisa smiled. “Have you been here before?”

“Hm...Ive seen pictures of me here when I was really little but I don’t remember it.” Ryuji shrugged. “I don’t really know what’s all here.”

“It’ll be an adventure for both of us then.”

Tomohisa wasn't sure but he though he saw a light spark in Ryuji's eyes at those words.

They slowly made their way around the zoo. The first thing they saw were one of the giant pandas. It was hidden and hard to see, but the moment Ryuji had spotted it he did a small jump in place as he pointed it out. When they moved on to see where the otters were, Ryuji's expression lit up when he heard the squeaks the made. If seeing the panda made him excited, he was practically vibrating now.

“I didn’t know otters sounded like that,” Ryuji laughed. “Did you?”

“I didn't. It was cute.”

“They’re so cute!”

“They are. I wish we could play with them.”

“That would be great if we could.” Ryuji sighed as they carried on.

They checked out all the different areas on this side of the zoo. They were to the Tiger Woods and Gorilla Woods. They went into the Bird House and Nocturnal House. It seemed like everywhere they looked, there was something interesting to see. There was more than what Tomohisa remembers being there and it felt like the more time went by, the more Ryuji's smile would grow.

At some point, when they stopped off to the side so they could decide where to go to next, Tomohisa heard a small, “...like a date.”

At first, Tomohisa wasn't sure if Ryuji was the one who had said it. “Hm? Did you say something?”

Ryuji's face flushed slightly as he shrugged. “No. It was nothing.”

Tomohisa looked over to where Ryuji had been looking just now. Other than a few couples standing around the stand, there wasn’t anything he considered eye catching.

Oh. Tomohisa blinked as a thought occurred to him. Maybe Ryuji...

Ryuji jumped when Tomohisa took his hand. His head whipped around to look at Tomohisa with wide eyes.

“What are you...?”

“Let’s hold hands.” Ryuji looked even more baffled.

“Where-where did that come from!?”

“You don’t want to?” Tomohisa frowned. Had he guessed wrong?

Ryuji's face was slowly turning more and more red. “I didn’t...say that.” he muttered.

Tomohisa smiled with relief. He squeezed Ryuji's hand as they made their way across the bridge to the other side and thinks he felt Ryuji return the gesture.

“Tomo! He looks like you!” When the saw the lions, the excitement in Ryuji's voice rang clear.

“You think I look like that?” Tomohisa was amused even if a little confused by the comparison.

“I've seen your bedhead when you show up late for morning lessons. It’s so wild! It’s like like a lion’s mane!” Ryuji giggled.

“I'm a lion?”

“A white lion,” Ryuji reached up to playfully tug at Tomohisa's hair and stuck out his tongue as he teased, “Unique but weird.”

“Weird...”

At some point, they found out about the petting zoo. Tomohisa's eyes lit up at the sound of it and practically dragged Ryuji to where it was supposed to be. Behind him, he could he Ryuji muttering something regretting asking about it.

Yet when they left the petting zoo, Ryuji was clutching his stomach as he shook with laughter.

“Your face! You looked like you saw a ghost, you went so pale!” He giggled madly. “Oh god, Tomo, I didn't know you hated reptiles so much! You looked so freaked out when you saw them!”

Tomohisa could only smile warily in response. It was as Ryuji said, he wasn't big on reptiles. He didn't like the feel of their skin or the way some looked. He thought Ryuji knew this but was proven wrong when Ryuji lead him over to where some tanks were at the back. It was only when he got a good look at what was inside of them that Tomohisa realized where Ryuji took him and froze in place. Ryuji had taken one look at him, connected the dots and hasn't stopped laughing since.

“Ah, this was the best,” Ryuji took a deep breath, finally calming down. His eyes were still sparkling as he gave Tomohisa a playful smile. “Well, at least i know to avoid using anything related to reptiles whenever I prank you in the future now~”

“How would you use reptiles in a prank?” Tomohisa asked. The look Ryuji gave him made him regret the question.

“You really want to know?” Ryuji asked. His tone was light and the way he held his arms behind him only added to his innocence. Tomohisa gulped.

“Um, no thank you, Ryuji.”

“That's what I thought.” Ryuji grinned. “Hey, lets get something to eat, I'm hungry!”

When they got to the eating area, Tomohisa was out of his element and Ryuji had to do the ordering. They found a small table to sit at that was shaded by an umbrella.

“Thank you,” Ryuji said unexpectedly, picking away at his fries. “For cheering me up. I'm having fun here.”

Tomohisa suspected at some point that Ryuji picked up on his motivations for today, so he wasn't surprised when Ryuji confirmed it. “You knew that was why?”

“It was pretty obvious,” Ryuji grabbed his drink and Tomohisa could see the small smile he tried hiding behind it. “I had fun today. It...it really took my mind off everything.”

“I’m glad.” Tomohisa was relieved. He hesitated, wanting to ask Ryuji a question that has been on his mind. “Ryuji, there’s something I want to ask you.”

“....is it about those guys?”

Tomohisa nodded. Ryuji sighed but didn't discourage Tomohisa from whatever he wanted to ask.

“Are they the ones that ripped your sweater back then?”

Ryuji took his time before answering. When he did, he started to play with his straw instead of looking at Tomohisa. “I don’t know. Maybe. For all I know, it just somehow ripped when I put it in the locker.”

“Do you really believe that’s true?” Ryuji’s silence was answer enough. “Why won’t you tell anyone about them?”

“Because there’s no point.” Ryuji's tone dropped. “It’s not the first time I’ve had to deal with this. It either gets worse when I tell someone or I’m just avoided by other kids. Besides, it's not like I'll have to deal with them now. We got picked to debut, so now we'll be doing separate things from them. It worked out in the end.”

That was one way of looking at it, Tomohisa guessed. But he remembers the amount of times he's heard and seen Ryuji get tripped and bumped into. He remembers the amount of times he forced himself to refrain from stepping in because he knew that would only upset Ryuji even more.

So when he and Yuta saw the rough fall Ryuji took the other day, Tomohisa couldn't hold back from it anymore.

Evidently, Ryuji was thinking something similar.

“Thanks, Tomo. For before.”

“For what?”

“Stepping in the other day. You and Yuta. Even though I got mad at you before for doing something like that before...” Ryuji's voice trailed off. “Just...thanks. For being there.”

“I was afraid you'd be mad at me again for it,” Tomohisa admitted. “But it would have been worth it. I don't like seeing you hurt. I want to be there for you.”

Ryuji gave him a shy smile. Tomohisa felt the slight tap against his foot when Ryuji stretched his leg out.

Tomohisa blinked, just thinking of something. “You have a pen on you, right?”

Ryuji looked confused but reached for his bag all the same. Tomohisa thanked him before he started writing something on the back of his hand.

“What...”

Ryuji's voice trailed off. When Tomohisa finished, Ryuji looked at his own hand where the writing appeared.

_KTKR_

“What's this?” Ryuji frowned.

“A reminder. We have this...this connection. We have this and we have Kitakore now,” Tomohisa said. “It means we can always rely on each other.”

“Because we're Soulmates?” Ryuji's frown deepened. Tomohisa shook his head.

“Because it's something we both want. We became partners because we wanted to. We worked for it so it would happen. And we still use this bond because we want to. So...so we can use both to remind us that we have someone we can rely on. Whether it's as idols or for ourselves, we have each other now.”

Ryuji's eyes widened. His face flushed and he quickly looked away.

“....if you don't...” He started. “If you don't keep your word on that, I'll get mad.”

“I will,” It was Tomohisa's turn to tap his foot against Ryuji's. “If I do forget, I'm sure you'll remind me.”

Ryuji glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.

“You really...want this bond with me? You know how difficult I get. I might get worse now that we're partners.”

“I'll always want to be with you,” Tomohisa smiled. “I love the light you have too much to not want to be bonded with you, no matter how it's done.”

Ryuji's complexion grew darker. This time when he smiled, it was no longer shy and instantly blinded the sun itself.

* * *

* * *

“Hey! Don't make me call your name, it'll just get us caught!”

Tomohisa was brought out of his thoughts when Ryuji started tugging on his wrist. Ryuji moved his sunglasses down enough so Tomohisa could see the irritated glint in his eyes.

“Don't ask me on a date then just zone out. We'll get caught if you keep standing there. What are you even thinking so hard about anyway?”

It was then Tomohisa was made aware of the crowd around them. Well, mostly aware. Unconsciously, Tomohisa reached out to trace over the braid in Ryuji's hair. The way he usually put it when trying to hide the streak in his hair. Ryuji startled at the action but didn't pull away. “Sorry. I was remembering last time we were here. When we were in Bambi.”

“Bambi?” Ryuji frowned but soon smiled. “Oh, that time! Yeah, that was fun. Easier to go around the zoo when no one knew us yet.”

Ryuji reached up and adjusted Tomohisa's hat to cover his hair better. He stepped back, looking satisfied. “Hey, that time was like a practice date, right? Maybe we should see if the petting zoo still has that turtle that freaked you out so much!”

Ryuji grabbed his hand and purposely started walking in the opposite direction of the petting zoo. He looked over his shoulder, sliding his sunglasses back into place and grinned, blinding out the sun.

“Hey, if we're still out later take me star gazing!”

Tomohisa blinked, feeling at little dazed.

Oh.

_Oh._

He really has been in love with Ryuji this whole time.

He was in love with Ryuji. Ever since he got blinded by his smile all those years ago.

Tomohisa really loved him.


	5. Closer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been really looking forward to writing this chapter so I hope you all enjoy it~

It's late when they get home. Or early. Ryuji was sure the sun had been starting to rise when they left Tomohisa's planetarium.

He remembers a time when Tomohisa told him he wanted one of his own, to visit whenever he felt like it and loved bringing people there. It was a place Ryuji's been too often and he's yet to grow tired of it. He doesn't remember getting home, having fallen asleep in the car. He thinks he remembers Tomohisa helping him out of the car and being coaxed to Tomohisa's back so he could carry him to the elevator and to their apartment. He not sure if that was real or a dream though. All he knows for sure is that he fell asleep, smiling as he replayed their day in his mind. Now, he was in his bed, aware of the hand stroking his cheek in a familiar action to wake him up.

“nn...go away...” he muttered, turning his had away.

“You said to wake you up if you're still asleep at noon,” Tomohisa's amused voice sounds next to him.

Did he? Ryuji vaguely recalls making some kind of comment but it's too fogged with sleep to be clear. “Did not.”

Tomohisa chuckles lightly. “You did.”

Ryuji groans and presses his face into his pillow. They got back when it was dawn, why would he say to wake him up? And why would Tomohisa listen to him?

The hand moves from his cheek to play with his hair. The movement is comforting and Ryuji finds himself starting to doze off.

He's just about asleep again when Tomohisa says casually, “Maybe I should kiss the sleepy princess so they finally wake up.”

Ryuji's mind is too muddled from being half-asleep. So he just mumbles without much thought, “Hn...later, I wanna sleep longer...”

He didn’t realize what he said until he heard a small ‘Huh?’. Once it processed, Ryuji’s eyes flew open as he felt his face burn. Moving on pure instinct, he grabs a pillow and threw it at Tomohisa. He quickly gets out of bed while he was distracted. “Ah, Tomo! Don’t say stuff like that when I’m tired! Embarrassing!”

Ryuji rushes to the bath and slams the door harder than necessary. He leans against the door, pressing his hands over his heated face.

He didn't just say that.

He couldn't have said that.

It was one thing for Tomohisa to tease him like that, it was normal, but for Ryuji to reply like that...especially after that date yesterday...

Ryuji moves his fingers aside enough to look in the mirror. Even like this, he can clearly see just how red his face is.

This was bad. It would be one thing if Ryuji was just being playful but it sounded too sincere even to him. Then his reaction afterwards...he really ran away.

Like usual.

With a groan, Ryuji slid down the door and pressed his forehead against his knees.

Just how was he supposed to act now after that?

* * *

Luckily or not, Tomohisa had some errands for the day so when Ryuji finally stopped taking his time to shower and do his morning routine, his partner was nowhere in sight. He tried not to feel guilty about being relieved over it.

Ryuji hugged his pillow tightly, hiding his face in it. It was the body pillow Tomohisa had gotten him not long after they moved in together. When he caught on how restless Ryuji slept, he thought it might help. And like many times, he'd been right. It was Ryuji's favourite thing to sleep with.

Realizing he was still thinking about Tomohisa, Ryuji let out a deep breath.

It's not the first time Tomohisa's made a comment like that, teasing about waking him up with a kiss. Usually he saves it for when he knows Ryuji is pretending to sleep since it always gets a reaction out of him to prove he isn't asleep.

It was just a normal thing for them. Ryuji usually doesn't think anything of it. He doesn't allow himself to think there's more to it than them just kidding around.

But then they went on that date yesterday. Ryuji remembers how different it felt from the other times they've done stuff together. He remembers how much fun it was, how Tomohisa didn't disagree that the first time they went out like that was like a date also.

He tries not to think about kissing Tomohisa. But he remembers when Tomohisa licked his fingers yesterday from eating fruit and how it reminded him of the look Tomohisa gave him once, when Ryuji had been eating a cinnamon bun.

Ryuji felt his face flush and let out a frustrated noise. His phone went off then and he was grateful for the distraction. Especially when he saw it was a text from Yuta.

_'Ryu-Chan!! I think I have service again!_

_We should be back by supper time!_

_o(^▽^)o_

_You'll never guess what happened!_

_I can't wait to tell you about it but you_

_can't get mad!_

_٩_ _( ‘ω’ )_ _و_ _'_

Ryuji stared at the text.

_'you got lost didn't you'_

_'I SAID YOU CAN'T GET MAD_

_（＞_ _0_ _＜；；；）_ _'_

_'How do you know I'm mad?'_

_'YOUR TONE'_

_'A text doesn't have a tone'_

_'YOURS DOES!_

_(_ _￣□￣_ _)'_

Ryuji huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. Well, he can pretty much count on Yuta filling him in on everything that happened during the camping trip. It was just one night and Ryuji doubted much more trouble could have happened, other than Yuta getting lost.

Since he had time to kill, Ryuji decided to get started on some cleaning. Even if he and Tomohisa regularly have people come in for that, Ryuji still felt like he could take care of the more mundane things in his time off.

It was a good distraction, especially when he went to take care of his sewing room. He went through his fabrics, trying to decide what was worth keeps and what was too little to justify keeping for anything. He reorganized his sketch books and papers, even found a better place for his drawing materials. By the time he had finished, a good two hours had passed.

“Well that was worse off than I thought it was,” Ryuji mumbled to himself. He twirled a pen he found between his fingers, feeling satisfied as he looked around the room. He glanced at the pen and realized it was purple. The colour brought a nostalgic feeling in Ryuji's chest. He clicked the end and started to draw on the inside on his wrist. By the time he finished, there was a good size star and moon.

Once he realized what he did, Ryuji flicked the pen across the room with a frustrated noise.

He thought he was finally distracted but he was still thinking about Tomohisa.

He's just finishing up last touches around the room when the doorbell rings. When he foes to see who it is, he really didn't expect to see Tsubasa on the other side. “Oh? This is a surprise.”

“Sorry to come unannounced,” Tsubasa smiled sheepishly. “I realized I forgot to give Kitakado-San some papers when I saw him earlier, so I cam to bring them now.”

“Well, Tomo's not back yet but you can hang around until he gets home.” Ryuji shrugged. “I'm not sure what he's all doing today so I can't say when he'll be back.”

“Thank you, I'll stay for a little bit then.”

While Tsubasa got settled in the living room, Ryuji went to make them some tea and get snacks together. By the time he returned, Tsubasa had taken out a folder and set it aside. Ryuji guessed it was what she had to give Tomohisa, and was careful not to put the tray too close to it.

“How have you been? I'm know you still have your hands full with everything going on, but you shouldn't overwork yourself either.”

He handed Tsubasa her cup before settling down with his own.

“It's been...a struggle,” She admitted. “But it's smoothing out. I don't think there should be much more trouble unless...”

“Unless Yashamaru-San pulls something again.” Ryuji finished for her. Tsubasa ducked her head but Ryuji still caught a glimpse of her expression.

“I'm sorry.” She said quietly. Ryuji frowned in response.

“Hey. Don't apologize for something that isn't your fault, or your responsibility. Not to me or any of us. What he does is a reflection on him not you. So don't try taking all that on yourself.”

Ryuji doesn't realize how sharp is tone came out until he saw Tsubasa wince. Guilt fills Ryuji and he lets out a soft sigh. Normally, this is when Tomohisa scolds him for being too blunt with his words and eases the tension. But since he wasn't here, Ryuji had to do it himself.

“Sorry. That came out harsher than it should have.”

“No, you're...you're right.” Tsubasa gave a small smile. “I understand that. I know it's not my fault. It's not really my fathers, either. I understand. But when it's your family, it's...”

Ryuji understood. Even without her saying it, he understood.

When it's your family, it's hard to separate yourself from it. Their burdens, whether intentional or not, become your own in a way.

“Just don't forget to rely on us,” He tells her. “I know some of our actions are limited because of what we do, but we want to support you as much as you support us. Don't forget that.”

“...thank you, Ryuji-Kun.”

When Tsubasa decides it's time to leave, Ryuji walks her to the entrance. He waves off her apology for stopping by without notice again and hands her her bag as she steps out the door, only to jump when she suddenly yells.

“Ryuji-Kun! Ryuji-Kun, your hand-!” Tsubasa’s eyes widened. “Kitakado-San has the same...that means...are-are you two-!?”

Ryuji grabbed her hand and pulled her back inside.

Voice a little too high from stress, he quickly shuts the door again as he says, “Tsubasa, you can’t tell anyone!”

Tsubasa looks as frazzled and flustered as Ryuji feels. “So it’s-it’s true? You and Kitakado-San are-are really...!?”

“...yeah, we are.” Ryuji stared at the ground. He took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing heart. “You can’t let it get out. You were told the rules, right?”

Tsubasa should have been told the rules all staff are required to know in this line of work. Both for herself and the idols themselves.

“...idols can’t be in relationships or talk about their Soulmate if their writing appears. If I notice anything, I can't let it get out.” She said slowly. “But I thought the company....”

“The company isn’t as strict as the others. We don’t have to notify anyone unless it starts interfering with our work.” Many idols manage to go their whole career without having to disclose they had their writing. It just wasn’t common knowledge. Soulmate scandals were rare because it was so well controlled to keep from the public.

“I-I see...” Tsubasa’s expression became troubled. “How...how long have you known?”

“Awhile.”

“Do-do the others know?”

“...some do. They promised to keep quiet about it.” Ryuji fiddled with his bangs. He really didn't like wonder just how many knew about it. The idea of too many knowing made him anxious.

“Not everyone knows?” Tsubasa sounded confused at the thought. Ryuji smiled bitterly. He realized awhile ago that Tsubasa often thought they tell each other almost everything. It made him feel a little guilty whenever she was reminded that wasn't the case.

“It's harder to keep a secret when more people know.” He shrugged.

“I guess that makes sense...” Tsubasa agreed though she didn't seem fully convinced. “I just can't believe I didn't realize you and Kitakado-San have been dating this whole time.”

It took longer than it should have to process those words. When he did, Ryuji felt something squeeze his heart and he choked on air.

“Uh, we're not- _ah_ -” He cleared his throat when his voice caught. “-we're not dating, Tsubasa.”

“Huh?”

“We’re not dating. Tomo and I.” Ryuji shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “We've never talked about dating.”

They were Soulmates. They went on a date yesterday fully aware they both thought of it as a real date. Yet beyond that, they never...

Tsubasa blinked. Her surprise was clear in her expression. “How come?”

“Idols can’t date for one thing. And also...” Ryuji trailed off. His expression clouded as he remembered several years ago.

“Ryuji-Kun?”

“....we were in Bambi when we found out. I...I really didn’t want to talk about it. I didn't like that it appeared and I didn't react really well. Then some things happened right after and I just...I didn’t want anything to do with Soulmates.”

“Do you still feel that way now?”

“....we don't really talk about it. Not often. We...go about it in our own way, I guess.” Ryuji leaned back against the wall. Somehow, Tsubasa made it easy to talk to her. But she had her own worries right now and Ryuji couldn't throw this on her on top of it also.

“You two...you don't really talk to each other about some things, huh?”

“I don't know. Sometimes I think we talk too much,” Ryuji thinks back on their recent filming a few weeks ago. “But then it feels like we avoid it too much...”

“I think-” Tsubasa paused. She pursed her lips then seemed to decide of something. “I know I'm probably overstepping. I've only been by your sides for little over a year but...I see how you are together. That bond you share. I think you two should talk more about...about this. It's...it's like your song.”

“Our song?” Ryuji frowned briefly then his eyes widened. oh. She meant...it was the same thing he'd been thinking about. When he drew on himself, thinking about Tomohisa. He huffs a little laugh. Talk about déjà vu. Or maybe it was irony at this point. “I guess. Maybe...maybe we should talk more about.”

He looked at Tsubasa and see's a small smile. She still looks worried, probably for their sake, and Ryuji's touched by how sincere she is.

Seems like they both gave each others words they needed to hear today.

* * *

“I can't put it into words, because then these feelings will overflow.” Ryuji murmured to himself once he was alone again. He couldn't help but laugh over it. He really was in denial over his feelings back when they wrote that song.

But that was it. Him and Tomohisa wrote Hoshi to Tsuki no Sentence together. They both put their feelings into that song together. Like they do for every song.

Ryuji always puts his heart into their music. It was the easiest way to get his feelings across without having to say it. If Tomohisa was the same, then...

The front door opened, startling Ryuji. His feet moved on their own, walking a little too quickly to get to the entrance. Tomohisa was surprised to see him but still smiled nonetheless.

“I'm home.”

“Welcome back.” Ryuji eyes the box in Tomohisa's hands and the two bags on the ground curiously.

“Sorry, I wasn't expecting to be out so long. I wanted to be back sooner” Tomohisa smile turned sheepish. Ryuji shook his head.

“Don't worry about it. You were getting things done.” He spotted the name on the box Tomohisa was holding and grinned. “Is that for me?”

“Hm? I don't know, do you still like strawberry shortcake?” Ryuji's eyes lit up, making Tomohisa laugh. He handed Ryuji the box. “Here, can you take this?”

“Yup!” Ryuji got lost in the excitement over the treat that he didn't think about his hands lingering over Tomohisa's a little too long when taking the box from him. He skipped the kitchen, humming happily as he grabbed a couple places before getting a knife and forks.

When he pulled the cake from the box, he heard Tomohisa come up beside him.

“What did you do today?”

“Hm, just some cleaning. Reorganized my sewing room so it's not such a mess anymore. Tsubasa stopped by, she said she forgot to give you something when she saw you.” Ryuji looked up at him. “Where did she see you anyway? I didn't think you had a meeting today.”

“Ah, I ran into her at Atsushi-San's office. I promised to drop off the papers of what we found out on Yashamaru-San.”

That made sense. Ryuji nodded. So that's where she saw...

Putting the knife aside, Ryuji said quietly, “Tomo, you...Tsubasa knows. About...about us. She saw the writing on you and me so...she knows now.”

“Ah.”

That didn't help ease Ryuji's nerves. He remembers what Tsubasa told him before. Maybe now was the time to take her advice. Before he could find reason to put it off even more.

“Tomo, we should-”

“Ryuji.” Tomohisa's tone was different. Quieter. Closer. Ryuji felt his breath catch. “Does this count as later?”

Ryuji's face began to burn. He didn't need to ask what Tomohisa meant. He'd finally manage to push this morning out of his head, and now Tomohisa brings it up when Ryuji least expects it.

Had Tomohisa been thinking about that all day, too? Just the thought of _that_ made him even more flustered.

He could pretend he didn't know what Tomohisa was talking about. If he chose to avoid it a little longer, Tomohisa wouldn't hold it against him. He never did.

But Ryuji's already run away once today and doesn't want to do that a second time. Not with this.

“...I suppose.” he glanced up at Tomohisa. He can't make out what kind of expression he had but Ryuji's too away that he's standing closer than necessary. Ryuji didn't notice when he stepped towards him like this.

Ryuji turns around so he's leaning back against the counter. He tilts his head up more to seeing Tomohisa more clearly. Their height difference wasn’t overly big but enough that Ryuji was still obviously shorter. That's one thing that's never changed over the years. Well, one of the things that hasn't changed.

When he thinks about it, Tomohisa was a constant for him. Even when he's changed, he was still the same Tomohisa to him. Still important to him, still the one he wants to be with.

Ryuji suddenly remembers a year ago, when he lost his memories. When he found out they briefly lost their connection at the same time. He'd been so afraid when he found out. He was afraid of losing it again. He was afraid of the same thing happening to him that happened to his father once.

He was afraid of that change breaking them apart if it ever happened.

Back then, Tomohisa eased his fears of that change. He still worried over it, but he wasn't as afraid anymore. Even if they did change, he was sure they'd still have some kind of connection. He didn't need the writing the tell him they were important to each other. He could never doubt his importance to Tomohisa any more than he doubted Tomohisa's importance to him.

He's loved Tomohisa for a long time now. He was sure it was the same for him also. Ryuji doesn't know when it became mutual, but he's positive it was. They wouldn't have reached this far if they didn't keep choosing to be together.

Their foreheads are pressed together now and Ryuji closes his eyes. He's been close to Tomohisa like this so many times. Sometimes it makes his heart flutter, other times just warm and content. In this moment, it's a mixture of both.

Ryuji feels Tomohisa's breath across his lips and-

“ _Ryuchin! Prince! Open up, we're supposed to meet downstairs! The others just got back and you guys aren't picking up!_ ”

Hikaru's shout from outside the door startles both of them. Even from within the kitchen, it's loud. Somehow, Ryuji just barely avoids smacking his head right into Tomohisa's. He lets his head fall back and lets out a groan.

That's it.

He's going to kill Hikaru when he opens that door.

“Seriously...” Ryuji bemoans. Tomohisa doesn't say anything but leans his head against Ryuji's shoulder. Ryuji feels the huff of breath he lets out and he swears it sounds as put off as he feels. He brings up a hand to brush it through Tomohisa's hair. They stay like that for a few seconds, until they hear Hikaru yell for them again. When Tomohisa straightens up, he has a small smile that does little to hide his own disappointment. He takes Ryuji's hand in his own and lifts it to his lips, placing a light kiss against Ryuji's knuckles.

When he speaks, Ryuji can feel the way his lips brush against his skin. “We should go. We can have the cake later.”

Ryuji nods, but he's too reluctant to move away. So he moves to the tips of his toes, placing a kiss of his own on Tomohisa’s cheek. He's rewarded with Tomohisa's startled look that quickly softens. Ryuji feels how warm his cheeks are but manages a shy smile in return.

It wasn't what they both wanted, but right now it would have to be enough. Right now, it was enough for them.


	6. only you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to have this chapter finished and posts a week ago but personal life got in the way. Things worked out though and I'm able to post this on Ryuji's birthday!
> 
> Please enjoy and Happy Birthday Ryuji!

“Ah, this tastes amazing!” Yuta hummed happily. He took another bite of the pastry and said muffled, “If amaching!”

“Yuta, don't talk with your mouth full. That's gross.” Ryuji frowned. He pushed a napkin towards Yuta before sitting back on the couch. “And of course it's good. I picked it out.”

Yuta hurriedly swallowed and reached for his drink. He let out a satisfied sigh and grinned up at Ryuji from the other side of the coffee table. “You really do pick good places. We should go there together next time and try more things!”

“Sure. Let's go next time we time free together.”

“Sweet!” Yuta cheered with his hands in the air. Unfortunately, he forgot he was still holding the pastry and the movement made some custard fall to the carpet. Yuta let out a distressed cry and ran to the kitchen to get something to clean it up with. Ryuji sighed. He should have seen that coming.

“I'll just leave the number of the cleaning service we use with you guys.” He says flatly when Yuta returns. Ryuji watches him clean up the mess, making sure he does it right. “I feel sorry for your carpet. You should just renovate and get hardwood at this rate.”

“That's so pricey though!” Yuta whined. “And it takes so much time.”

“It's not that much, is it?” Ryuji frowned. “If you get the right one, it gets done pretty fast with good quality.”

Yuta gives Ryuji a look. Somehow, Ryuji feels like he said something weird.

“What?”

“Ryu-Chan, sometimes you and Tomo-Kun are really similar.”

“What does that mean?”

“Nothing bad!” Yuta smiles. Ryuji was confused but didn't push it. “That reminds me, how have things been with you two? You haven't really said anything lately. Are things okay?”

Without much thought, Ryuji started to say, “Oh...Tomo asked me to go on a date while you were gone camping. Like an actual one. Then we-”

When he saw the look on Yuta's face and clammed right up.

“I can’t believe you went on a real real date with Tomo and didn’t say anything!” Yuta sounds so genuinely sad that it catches Ryuji off guard. He moves so he's kneeling on the floor and leans across the coffee table towards Ryuji. “That was weeks ago! Ryu-Chan, why didn’t you tell me? Don’t you trust me to keep it a secret if you didn’t want anyone to know about it?”

“It not that, it’s just...” Ryuji tried to think of how to say it. He never had trouble confiding in Yuta about most things. It was never about trust. It was just... “I didn’t think I should keep troubling you about me and Tomo. Especially with everything that was going on, it didn’t seem important compared to everything else at the time.”

“Ryu-Chan, I always want to hear about this stuff!” Yuta huffs. His words seem to catch up to him though, because then he looks sheepish. He gets up from the floor to sit next to Ryuji on the couch. “I-I mean...yeah, I’m kinda jealous. That-that you know who you like and that you know who your Soulmate is already. But the way you talk about it...I know it’s important to you. That Tomo-Kun is important to you. You...you’ve always liked him, even before you found out the Soulmate thing. I could tell because you started spending a lot of time with him. It’s not...it’s not troubling me to hear you talk about it. I want to hear whats important to you because I li...I know you’d do the same with me. If I had someone I really like and they were my Soulmate, you’d want me to talk to you about it, right?”

“Of course!” Ryuji replied with no hesitation. That made Yuta smile.

“Then you understand! I don’t always get it, but I want to hear about you and Tomo-kun. You’re my best friend and Tomo-Kun is important to me too because he’s important to you. So come on, tell me everything I missed!”

A weight Ryuji wasn’t aware of lifted from his shoulders.

“You really don't care if I talk about my thing with Tomo?” He asked, just to double check. Yuta sat up straight and nodded.

“I am!”

Ryuji shake his head with a small laugh. Of course, even with this Yuta was overly sincere about it.

So Ryuji tells Yuta. Not everything, because some things he wants to keep to himself. But enough. He tells Yuta about how it felt like they were getting closer lately. How they've been trying to talk more after what happened with their filming. How Tomohisa surprised him by asking him on a date and everything they did.

He doesn't tell Yuta about the almost kiss, but if Yuta knows he's holding something back, he doesn't call him out on it.

Still, by the end of Ryuji talking, Yuta has a soft look.

“You really like Tomo-Kun a lot, huh?”

“I guess.” Ryuji looks away, his cheeks feeling too warm. He thinks for a moment and changes his mind. “Yeah. I really like Tomo.”

“Are you going to tell him?”

“I think he knows already.” Ryuji admitted. “But...I want to tell him. I'm just...not sure how.”

“I'm sure you'll find a way,” Yuta grinned. “You've always been honest, Ryu-Chan. I know you'll tell him when you're ready.”

Somehow, Yuta's words just make Ryuji feel embarrassed.

He'll tell Tomohisa how he feels. At some point. But first, there's something they need to talk about.

* * *

It's only later that night when Ryuji's alone his room that he realizes what he said to Yuta.

He didn't lie. He'd been honest when he said that he wants to tell Tomohisa how he feels about him. Even if Tomohisa probably knew everything, Ryuji still really wanted to tell him himself.

But there was something they had to talk about and Ryuji wasn't sure how to bring it up. Not after all this time.

With a sigh, Ryuji rolls over on his bed and spots a marker on his nightstand. An idea occurs to him.

Sitting up on the bed, Ryuji grabs the marker and starts doodling on his left foot.He made sure he took his time and did it slowly. After what happened when Tomohisa's pen broke, he's been afraid of drawing too much at once on himself. But he things if he does it slow enough, it should be okay.

First he draws stars that he coloured in and a crescent moon. Then random swirls to fill up the space between them. He started going up the side of his leg when he felt his arm tingle.

He pushed up his sleeve to see a question mark there. Ryuji’s lips twitched. He was sure Tomohisa was really confused right now. After checking his phone to double check how to do it, he draw the shrug emoji under the question mark and waited. Seconds later, he heard Tomohisa’s laugh from the living and smiled.

_Can I come in?_

_Ok_

Ryuji waits and soon enough, there's a knock at his door before it opens. When Tomohisa enters his room, Ryuji can't stop his smile from growing when he sees the amused confusion his partner has.

“What brought this on?” Tomohisa glances at Ryuji’s foot as he sits next to him.

“Nothing really. Got bored.” Ryuji shrugged. Which was mostly true.

“You have a sketchbook.”

“Didn’t feel like drawing in it I guess.” Ryuji narrowed his eyes as a thought occurred to him. “This is going to be a pain to wash off later, isn’t it?”

“It really is,” Tomohisa shook slightly as he laughed. A teasing glint came to his eyes. “Should I help you wash it off?”

“Shut up!” Ryuji felt his face burn, which only made Tomohisa laugh more.

Once he calmed enough, Tomohisa asked, “Is everything okay? You haven’t been out of your room much since you got back.”

Ryuji shrugged again, looking away. “....off day, I guess. Didn’t really feel like hanging out in the living room.”

“Did something happen when you were at THRIVE's?”

“No, I had fun with Yuta. It's nothing bad, just...” Ryuji bit his lip. He was hesitating and he hated that he was.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

This was Tomohisa giving him an out. Ryuji could talk about what was on his mind or he could avoid it.

Taking a deep breath, he reached for the marker again. He took the cap off with his teeth and pulled Tomohisa’s arm closer. He ignored the curious look he was sure he was getting and drew the first thing that came to mind. He wasn't sure it would work but he wanted to try.

A few seconds passed and he felt his wrist tingle. He looked to see the ‘ _R_ ’ appear in his writing.

“Other people’s writing doesn’t take affect.” Tomohisa’s voice sounded soft.

If someone writes something on Tomohisa, it won't appear on Ryuji. And it was true the other way as well. But it Ryuji draws on Tomohisa and Tomohisa draws on him, it shows up. But sometimes it works that way and sometimes it doesn't. For them, it seems to work no matter waht.

Quietly, Ryuji says, “We really are Soulmates.”

“We are.” Tomohisa took his hand. His grip was firm and made Ryuji feel grounded. “But we’ve known that for awhile now.”

They have. It’s been years since they realized this. Yet they never fully talked it out. Not really. It was only recently they started to. Before, they always avoided asking what they wanted from each other.

And Ryuji knew it was his fault.

With a sigh, he leans up against Tomohisa, pressing his face against his shoulder.

“There's something I want to talk to you about. But I'm not sure how. Or where to start. Or when's the right time.”

“About us?”

Ryuji nods.

“I just...don't know how to get the words out. How to talk about it. It's hard.” Ryuji admits. “And annoying. Because I want to talk to you about it. I really want to tell you things but...if I say it wrong, or do it at the wrong time, i don't want to mess it up. What we...” He doesn't know how to finish that sentence. “When I figure out how to talk about it, you'll listen to me, right?”

“I will.” Tomohisa tells him. He moves his arm so it's around Ryuji's shoulders and hugs him to his side. “Whenever you're ready.”

“You won't get annoyed waiting?” Ryuji's skeptical when he looks up at Tomohisa. It feels like he makes him wait for a lot of things lately when it came to this.

“I won't. There's no reason to rush, Ryuji.” Tomohisa reassures him. “There's something I really want to tell you also. So when the time comes, we'll tell each other what we want. Okay?”

Ryuji felt his heart skip a beat. His face feels warm as he nods his head.

They end up laying down together on Ryuji's bed, Ryuji with his head on Tomohisa's chest. He can feel Tomohisa's hand on his waist, his fingers circles on the small bit of skin that shows with how his shirt lifts up.

He can hear Tomohisa's heartbeat and how fast it was. Despite how calm he tries to be, Ryuji could feel just how much Tomohisa reacted to him.

In the end, Ryuji couldn't say what he wanted to. Not yet. He still need to figure how to put those words together but he was at least able to let Tomohisa know he wanted to tell him. He was able to do that much at least, and let Tomohisa know he wasn't trying to avoid this.

He'd tell him soon. Ryuji promised himself this. Once he figured out how to talk about it, he'd tell Tomohisa everything.

* * *

* * *

* * *

“So is Ryuji in a bad mood or something?”

Startled, Tomohisa looked over at Akane. “I don't think so. Why?”

“Well...” Akane made a vague gesture to the side of the gym by the mirrors. Tomohisa looked over what Akane mean. When he realized Akane was talking about, he started to laugh.

“No, he's not. Not really.”

“You sure? Hikaru looks like he's about to take his last breath and Nome's been at it for awhile now.”

He wasn't wrong. On the floor was Hikaru, laying down with his arms spread out, clearly out of breath. Next to him was Ryuji sitting on Tatsuhiro’s back while Tatsuhiro did push ups. For Tatsuhiro at least, that was a common enough sight by now, but Akane hasn’t been around long enough to know that yet.

Hikaru got excited seeing Ryuji in the gym room that he asked Ryuji to partner with him. Ryuji had been reluctant, mostly because he knew Tomohisa tended to get distracted when left to work out alone, but Akane said he'd keep him going in Ryuji's place.

Tomohisa was a little wary when Ryuji gave in to Hikaru and his apprehension was proved right not long after. He wasn't surprised but he thought Ryuji could have eased up a little in his revenge. Not that he blamed Ryuji.

“Tatsu's used to this, but Hikaru doesn't usually ask Ryuji to work out with him.” Tomohisa said.

“Does it really count as a work out when it's just Nome working out now?”

“Ryuji doesn’t like to work out more than he needs to. He does enough to stay fit but no more. He doesn't like to build too much muscle tone.”

“So he just sits on Nome’s back?” Akane said, baffled. Tomohisa looked across the room again, smiling. “Does he even notice Ryuji’s weight?”

“I don’t think so.” Tomohisa shrugged. “I’ve seen Ryuji make Tatsu do 100 push ups like this and Tatsu just kept going.”

“Wow.” Akane blinked. “I wonder if Miroku can do that.”

“You and Ryuji could make them compete to see how they match.” Tomohisa suggested. Akane grinned instantly.

“Yeah! Though I’ll just end up wanting to compete like that, too. I don't know if I could handle weight on my back though.” He sighs. “Ah, I'm gonna go refill the water bottles. Hikaru could probably use some fresh water.”

“Hey! Tomo!” Both looked over as Ryuji called out to him. “Just because I’m over here doesn’t mean you can slack off.”

“Aren’t you slacking off though?” Tomohisa walked over. Once he was near enough, he could see the stain starting to get to Tatsuhiro. He wonders how many Ryuji made him do this time. He glanced down at Hikaru. “Are you okay?”

“I'm...I'm fine!” Hikaru gave him a thumbs up. Then his hand fell back to the ground. “Ryuchin is brutal! How do you and Tatsu manage it?”

Tomohisa didn't know if he should tell him that Ryuji went overboard with Hikaru out of petty revenge. So instead he's says, “Akane went to refill water bottles if you want a drink.”

“Ah! Perfect!” Hikaru jumped up right away. Ryuji frowned in response.

“So much for not being able to move anymore,” He said, watching Hikaru leave. Then he glanced up at Tomohisa. “And just so you know, I’ve done my quota for the week, so this isn’t slacking off.”

“I see.”

“The week he says...” Tatsuhiro mutters. He pushes up one last time before finally letting his arms give way, hitting his stomach on the mat. Ryuji let out a startled yelp as he fell over with him, ending up on his back with his legs over Tatsuhiro.

“Tatsu! That hurt!”

“I’m the one that’s hurting...” Tatsuhiro pushes Ryuji’s legs off of him and sits up. “You know, it won’t kill you to push yourself a little more. At least stay on the treadmill longer than a half hour. If you won't do weights much, do that for an hour at least.”

Ryuji blinked up at him with wide eyes, mouth slightly open. Tomohisa had to turn away and coughed to cover up a laugh.

What an offended look...!

* * *

Almost exactly an hour later, Ryuji complaining in the elevator.

“Urg, I can’t believe I let Tatsu talk me into going back on the treadmill!” Ryuji said darkly. “I’m so tired and sweaty...I’m making him do 200 hundred pushups next time!”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Tomohisa chuckled. “You’re good at sprinting but it doesn’t hurt to build endurance either.”

“Not gonna happen. I fit the styles I like, I can dance through a concert and that’s good enough.” Ryuji replies stubbornly. “I hate running anyway. Urg, I hope this next project Tsubasa hinted out doesn't involve running...I'll hide if it does.”

Tomohisa shakes his head fondly but doesn’t tease him further. He knows Ryuji’s feelings about working out and wanting to avoid too much muscle tone. So he doesn’t push.

When they get back, Ryuji heads straight to the bathroom to shower. After Tomohisa takes his turn to clean up, he finds Ryuji already asleep on the couch.

“Did you even try going to your room?” Tomohisa laughs under his breath. After spending so long on the treadmill, Tomohisa would be more surprised if Ryuji hadn't instantly fallen asleep.

Grabbing the blanket they keep on the couch, Tomohisa covers Ryuji with it before sitting on the other end of the couch.

A half hour passes by when he hear's Ryuji mumble in his sleep. “Tomo...”

It was soft and low, Tomohisa almost missing it because of the TV. He lowers the volume and looks over. To his surprise, Ryuji looks almost unsettled. He kept turning his head, like he was having a bad dream.

With a worried frown, Tomohisa got up and moved to sit on the floor by his side.

“Ryuji,” he murmured his name, pushing his bangs back. His complexion was a little pale. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen Ryuji like this. He was used to Ryuji suddenly falling asleep, easily falling into a nap no matter the time of day. So Tomohisa learned to pick up when Ryuji’s dreams weren’t good ones.

He knew Ryuji had troubles sleeping a lot. He wished there was something he could do for him in these moments. For now, he just sat nearby. At least he could be here when Ryuji wakes up.

Ryuji doesn't wake up right away, but he seems to settle when Tomohisa strokes his cheek. Eventually, Ryuji’s hand came up to hold Tomohisa’s hand. His eyes briefly open before closing again.

“Warm...” his sighed.

“Are you cold?”

“Mm. A bit.”

Tomohisa pulled the blanket up to Ryuji's shoulders. “Is that better?”

“A bit. Thanks.”

“Were you dreaming?”

Ryuji blinks sleepily at him.

“Maybe. I think so.”

“Do you remember what it was?”

“Not really....” Ryuji pressed his head into the cushion. “I'm still cold. I'm sleeping in your room tonight.”

Tomohisa's lips twitched. He wasn't against it but still asked, “Do I get a say in that?”

“Your bed is huge. So no.”

Tomohisa huffed a soft laugh. He thought Ryuji was going to doze off again, but instead he sits up and rubs his eyes.

“I didn't want to sleep...” Ryuji paused to yawn and pulled the blanket more securely around his shoulders. “I wanted to talk but I dozed off...Tatsu's fault...”

“You pushed yourself today. You needed the rest.” Tomohisa moved to sit beside Ryuji. As soon as he was next to him, Ryuji leaned up against him.

“Still Tatsu's fault.” He says stubbornly. “Anyway, about before. I mean, remember when I said I wanted to talk about something?”

“I do.” It was only a few days ago that Ryuji had brought it up. Tomohisa was surprised he was doing so again already. He thought it would be longer. “Do you want to talk about it now?”

“Yeah. I do.” Ryuji looked up at him. “Can you make us some hot chocolate first? I'm too comfy to move.”

Tomohisa nods and does as requested. It doesn't take long to prepare everything. Once he had his drink, Ryuji eagerly wrapped his fingers around the mup.

“So warm...” he sighed.

“Are you really that cold?” Tomohisa wonders.

“My hands are.” After taking a couple sips, Ryuji gets straight into things. “Okay, so...about what I wanted to talk about. Back in Bambi, I never did tell why I was upset back then, did I? When I didn’t go for awhile?”

He taps his nails against the mug nervously. Tomohisa was a little confused where Ryuji was going with this but confirmed all the same. “You didn’t.”

“You...you never asked me about it. Why?”

Tomohisa tried to think back to that day. When he wrote to Ryuji and then called after he didn’t show up for days. He remembers the tremble in his voice, the way his voice wavered. Like he would cry any second. When he did cry.

At the time, Tomohisa had no idea what could have happened to make Ryuji like that. What could happen that he he wasn’t able to leave his home.

Knowing what he knows now, Tomohisa understood too well what might have happened.

“...you were upset. I didn’t want to make it worse by asking.” He says. “And by the time I saw you again, I didn't know if I should bring it up. So I thought it was best to let it go.”

Ryuji leaned his head against his arm. “You’re too considerate of me. Even back then you were like this.”

“I don’t think that’s a bad thing.”

“I guess.” Ryuji took a deep breath, like he was steadying himself. He sat up straight and drank some more hot chocolate before continuing. “When we met...by then, I didn’t know what to think about Soulmates. My parents...they met by chance. They only had one scene together on a movie. Just a quick meeting between their characters and that’s all my mother was planned to do. Just a few minutes on screen. Then when my dad went to write the name of a store on his hand for the scene, it showed up on my mother’s. They’ve been together since.” Ryuji paused. Tomohisa knew the rest of the story just because he's been with Ryuji for so long.

By then, Matsukura was in the middle of a divorce. His now ex-wife had also been his Soulmate. Then one day, the connection stopped. “My dad is a strong believer that Soulmates happen for a reason, whether or not they last in the long run. He adores mom. He’d do anything for her but...you know how my family is. I don’t know how much of the rumours about him are true. He’s never confirmed or denied them. I don’t know if my parents are still bonded like that. I don’t know why they stay together. I didn't know what was worse. If they felt like they had to stay together because they're still bonded, or if they lost that connection but just stayed together because of me. By the time I was in Bambi, I thought that if having a Soulmate means you have to stay in a situation like that, what’s the point in it. If it's supposed to make people happy, why does my father do what he does. Why does my mom put up with it.”

Ryuji finishes off his drink and places his cup on the coffee table next to Tomohisa's. His expression is twisted and out of habit, Tomohisa takes his hand and rubs his thumb over Ryuji's knuckles. Ryuji gives him a small smile and leans against Tomohisa's arm.

“I didn’t know what to think when you showed me the writing. I panicked and ran away. It always feels easier like that. To just leave when I don't know what to do. But I think...I think I was already starting to like you at that point. I liked hanging out with you and practicing together. So when that happened, I thought everything would be ruined. If not right then, then later on it would. We were finally spending more time together and becoming friends and I liked you so much and...and I thought I already lost it all.”

“Ryuji...”

Ryuji shakes his head and Tomohisa falls silent.

“Just my luck, that night a scandal broke. It was the first time one broke out the way it did. It died down quickly, it was proven the photo was altered, but my mom was....she was sad. She didn’t really say much during it all. She just stayed in the bedroom. Dad slept in the guest room. There was paparazzi hanging around so mom kept me and my sister home for awhile. I didn’t know how to handle it. It was so confusing.

“But then you wrote to me. When the writing appeared, it scared me because of how it felt but it...it was nice. Knowing it was you. I hoped it was still you. Then being able to talk on the phone...later, when you wrote something that was so you with that book, it still hurt when it appeared but it also just felt...warm. Knowing it was still you. Every time your writing appeared, I liked it. No matter what happened, it was you. You never did write often, but when you did I always knew it was you and no one else. It was reassuring. I thought...maybe it wasn't so bad. Part of me was still scared though.”

Quietly, Tomohisa asks, “Do you still feel that way?”

“...I don’t know how I feel about Soulmates. I don’t think I’ll ever really know. I've seen too much to know it's not always a good thing. But I know it can make people happy. It's just so confusing to think about.” This time, Ryuji finally looked up at him. His eyes were bright and cheeks flushed pink. “But I...I know how I feel about you. About us. It hasn't changed since then. I’m still scared of losing this part of us one day but...but even if it went away for some reason, I know I'll still want you. I want to be with you. You’re the one I wanted to be with in Bambi. The one I wanted to sing with and dance with and live with. Even if we weren’t Soulmates, it’s always you I just end up wanting to-!”

Tomohisa moves before he can think it through. He pulls Ryuji close, until he had an arm tightly around his waist and a hand in Ryuji’s hair. Until he was all but pulling Ryuji into his lap. He pressed his face against Ryuji’s neck, breathing deeply.

Ryuji's words are ringing in his ears. It's all he can focus on right now.

Ryuji's liked him since Bambi. He still does.

Ryuji wanted to be with him.

“I love you,” Tomohisa says against his skin. “I love you, Ryuji. I want to be with you. I always have.”

And it's true. Even when he couldn't sort out his feelings at first, when he wasn't sure what kind of love it was, he knew he still wanted to be with Ryuji. It didn't matter how, he just wanted to be with him for as long as possible. It's always been Ryuji he wanted to stand next to. That's something that never changed.

“Stupid Tomo,” Ryuji's voice cracks. His arms return the embrace as much as possible. Tomohisa can feel how his body trembles slightly. “I was supposed to say it first. You cut me off.”

“Sorry,” Tomohisa laughs weakly. “You can say it now though.”

“Embarrassing...” Ryuji mutters. He starts to pull back and Tomohisa is reluctant to let him go far. Ryuji's eyes are shining as he smiles. “Tomo. I love you. I really...I really love you.”

Tomohisa leans his forehead against Ryuji's.

“Say it again?” he asks softly. The blush Ryuji has deepens.

“Embarrassing.” Ryuji repeats more clearly. “...I love you, Tomo.”

Tomohisa closes his eyes. He doesn't think he could ever tire of hearing that.

“I love you.” He says back. He pushes Ryuji’s bangs aside to press his lips against his forehead. Then he moves to kiss the tip of his nose. Corner of his eye. His warm cheek.

When he hovers by his lips, Ryuji realizes he’s waiting and is the one to close that final distance.

When he kisses Ryuji, all he can focus on is how soft his lips are and the smell coming off his hair. It’s a light touch at first, but enough to make him feel warmth spread through his body. When he pulls away, Tomohisa sees how flushed Ryuji’s complexion has gotten, how his eyes become more vibrant when looking up at him. So when Tomohisa leans in again, he presses his lips more firmly against Ryuji’s.

He feels Ryuji’s hand on his neck and how he shifts closer. When they break the kiss, they remain close, breathing harder than before. When their eyes meet, they break out into soft laughter. Ryuji tugs a little on Tomohisa's hair, looking dazed. He's so beautiful that Tomohisa can't help but kiss him one more time.

It's just a quick peck on the lips but it makes Tomohisa smile widely. “I wish I did that a long time ago.”

“At least no ones banging at the door this time,” Ryuji mutters. Tomohisa laughed, brushing their lips together again.

“I wouldn’t stop this time if that happened.” He says. Ryuji makes a noise, his eyes going wide. Tomohisa's awed how his blush grows even darker.

“Tomo, you-!” Ryuji cuts himself off. Instead he hide his face against Tomohisa’s shoulder. “Urg, why are you so...!”

Tomohisa hugs him tightly. “I can't help it. You make it fun to tease you.”

“Horrible. Mean.” came his muffled reply.

“Haha, sorry, sorry.” Tomohisa presses a kiss against his hair. “I’m really glad I met you, Ryuji. I love you so much.”

“You're saying that too much now!” Ryuji pulled back to glare at him.

“I don't think that's possible though?”

“Well, I do!” Ryuji roughly messes up Tomohisa's hair in his embarrassment. “Tone down the prince vibes! Urg, I didn't think confessing could make you even more ridiculous! You don't need to tell me that all the time!”

The words strike up a memory in Tomohisa.

He grabs Ryuji's wrists, halting his movements and looks at him curiously.

“Is that what you meant before when you said you liked the ridiculous type?”

“ _That's what you got from this?!_ ”


	7. always you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! This is the end of "these sincere feelings"!
> 
> I really wanted to get this done before the new year and really happy I did!   
>  When I have time, I will go back to edit some points and I do plan at least another oneshot and may do this AU for other BPro ships so please keep an eye for those if you ship KaneAshu, KenTsuba and MikaMomo!
> 
> Thank you all for all the support you've given me! Happy Holidays and Happy New Year!! I wish you all the best!!

Ryuji had been scrolling on his phone for a good 20 minutes before he felt the arms around him squeeze him briefly, getting his attention before Tomohisa spoke up.

“What are you doing?”

“Clearing out my photos...there's way too many right now,” Ryuji frowned. “I need to save some of these on a file or something.”

“You could have them printed off and put them in a photo album,” Tomohisa suggested.

“No way,” Ryuji shot down right away. They were on the couch, Ryuji sitting in Tomohisa's lap with his back against the others chest, while Tomohisa leaned back against Ryuji's giant cat pillow. He shifted around, getting more comfortable. “Maybe some of my favourites but not all. There's way too many for that. We'd have to use just to store all of them if we put them in albums.”

“We could get a storage place for them all if we have to.”

“...I hate it when I can't tell if you're serious or not with things like that.” Ryuji tipped his head back to look at him. Ryuji had one of Tomohisa's legs trapped between his own. He lifted one leg to hit his foot against Tomohisa's shin. “We are not renting or buying or making a storage area for photo albums, Tomo.”

Tomohisa shrugged. “It was a good idea.”

“It really wasn't.” Ryuji rolled his eyes. He looked back at his phone and saw a photo that caught his attention. “This one can go in an album though. I like this one.”

It's the one he took back a couple years ago for Tomohisa's birthday. He'd been in a short drama where he played a rebellious characters. Ryuji visited him on set and when he saw Tomohisa in the black leather jacket leaning against a motorcycle, Ryuji couldn't resit snapping a photo.

“This look suits you. You should do more roles like this.” Ryuji clicked on the photo and saved it to a separate album.

“You think so?” Tomohisa smiled. “You seem to like me in dark clothes.”

“Do not!” Ryuji huffed immediately. He ignored how warm his face was feeling. “It’s just...charming. I guess.”

“Charming...” Tomohisa placed his chin on Ryuji’s shoulder, his tone playful. “What else do you find charming about me?”

Ryuji paused. He puts his phone down and glanced at Tomohisa out of the corner of his eye. “If you’re fishing for compliments, it won’t work.”

Tomohisa burst out laughing, too cheerful despite the look Ryuji just gave him.

“Haha! Shall I tell you what your charming points are then?”

“We don’t have time for all that if we’re gonna make those reservations later.” Ryuji dismisses without a hint of modesty. Tomohisa laughs more in response, his breath hitting Ryuji's neck. He tightens his hold around Ryuji, pulling him closer and pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. Ryuji was positive that if his face wasn't burning before, it definitely was now.

“I love you so much, Ryuji.”

“Where did that come from!?”

“I just felt like saying it.” He kisses Ryuji on the cheek this time, smiling. “I love you.”

“Seriously, you’re so...” Ryuji elbows Tomohisa in the stomach and shifts around until he’s sitting sideways in Tomohisa's lap. He places one hand on Tomohisa’s cheek before pressing a kiss of his own on the other. “I love you, too. Now stop being so embarrassing, I can’t focus when you keep saying that!”

“You find me distracting?”

“Don't look so proud over something like that!”

* * *

It's only been a few weeks since Ryuji finally confessed to Tomohisa. Since Tomohisa confessed to him.

Ryuji wondered if things would change for them, but for the most part most of it hasn't. They still do the things they used to do. Have done for a long time now. None of that changed. The only difference was now they were more affectionate while they did those things.

Though Tomohisa's teasing has increased, much to Ryuji's embarrassment. He didn't think his partner could get worse but apparently it was very much possible.

Ryuji was happy though. It was like a weight he didn't realize he had grown used to was lifted. He was happy and content.

And unlike before, he had made sure to tell Yuta about the newest development as soon as he had been able to.

“ _YOU AND TOMO-KUN KIS-MMPH!?!?_ ”

Ryuji had grabbed one of Yuta's many plush toys and threw it as hard as he could. “YUTA!”

After several smothering attempt and reminding Yuta they had to be lowkey about this right now, Yuta had laughed and surprised Ryuji by hugging him.

“That's why you look so happy lately! I'm so happy for you, Ryu-Chan!”

For some reason, that made Ryuji feel even more flustered.

* * *

“Ah, I'm so tired!”

Ryuji rolled onto his back, taking in deep breaths of air. He was wondering if maybe they pushed it too much today. Him and Tomohisa had already done practice with everyone else for their Tokyo Dome performance, but Ryuji still had a lot of energy afterwards. So he had asked Tomohisa is he wanted to stick behind with him to work on their own stuff to burn off that energy

Now he felt like he could barely stand up.

Next to him, he heard a laugh as foot nudged his leg.

“You look like a starfish, Ryuji.”

Ryuji's eyes opened in surprised. A wave of nostalgia overcame him and a laugh bubbles up in him before he can suppress it. He rolls onto his side, suddenly overcome with a fit of giggles.

He only calms down when something cold presses against his cheek and looks up to see Tomohisa's confused amusement.

“What’s so funny?” Tomohisa places the water bottle on the floor.

“You.” Ryuji sticks out his tongue before sitting up. “I feel like you’ve said that to me before.”

“Deja vu?”

“Probably.”

Even if he was tired, it was a comfortable tiredness at least. The kind that felt satisfying after working so hard at something.

“I hope everything goes okay,” Ryuji says. “I don't want all this to be for nothing.”

Everything was so uncertain right now. It's been quiet lately but that only made him worry more. Ryuji couldn't stop feeling like something was going to interfere with their performance. Or someone.

Ryuji's pulled out of his thoughts when he feels a hand on his waist, pulling him close. When he speaks, he can hear the confidence in Tomohisa's voice. “No matter what happens, everything will go great. I know it will.”

Ryuji smiles slightly. It's amazing how simple words from the other does so much to reassure him.

“Yeah.”

They take some more time to rest before deciding to start gathering their things together. When Ryuji gets up, his legs are still shaky and he stumbles. He shuts his eyes, waiting for the impact that never came. With another sense of deja vu, Ryuji realizes he was being held around the middle, stopping his fall. He looks over his shoulder, meeting Tomohisa’s wary smile.

“As much as I enjoy holding you, please don’t make this a habit with every Dome performance,” he says, sounding a little strained. “I’d rather keep your falls limited.”

“S-sorry...” For some reason, Ryuji feels a little flustered. Once he’s upright, he places a hand on Tomohisa’s shoulder to keep his balance as he stands on one foot and asks Tomohisa to hold still for him. He moves his foot around for several seconds before doing the same with the other.

“Are your ankles okay?”

“Yeah. I don’t think I pulled anything. I think I just tripped from being so tired.”

“We have been here for hours now. Let's head home,” Tomohisa paused, looking thoughtful. “Maybe I should carry you to the car?”

Ryuji stared at him for several seconds, hoping he'd say he was just kidding, before looking away when that didn't happen.

“Not happening.”

By the time they get home, it's cooled down a good amount. Ryuji shivered when they got out of the taxi and the cold air hit his skin. His breath came out in white puffs as he hurried inside the building. Despite disliking the cold, he could feel a pleasant warmth in his chest.

When they got to their apartment, Tomohisa turned on the TV to check the weather channel.

“That explains the sudden drop.” He says, sitting down. “It's supposed to snow this weekend.”

“It's early for that, isn't it?” Ryuji leaned over the back of the couch. “December barely started.”

“It's not a bad thing though,” Tomohisa looks at him with a smile. “You love it when it snows.”

“Like you don't.” Ryuji rolls his eyes but even he was smiling also. “Well, if it sticks around long enough, we should go for a walk.”

“We should!” Tomohisa's eyes practically light up. “I love walking around in the snow.”

Ryuji's smile softens. He reaches over to play with Tomohisa's hair. “Yeah, I know.”

Ryuji knew why snow was a special memory for Tomohisa. He had thought it was jealousy he had felt whenever Tomohisa talked about that memory, but he still wasn't sure this feeling was that. He's felt jealous before, but this was different. He frowned, feeling his head throb as he tried to figure out what it was.

Why did it still feel like he was missing something?

* * *

* * *

* * *

Tomohisa was used to last minute work suddenly popping up for them. Usually it was because client had a last minute cancellation that needed to be filled, or that they have their own time sensitive work come up.

When Tsubasa had come over over saying she had to talk to them about a sudden request, Tomohisa wasn't that surprised it had to do with the snowfall they were expecting. Tsubasa explained that a magazine wanted a photoshoot with them in the snow and that's why it was so last minute. He could tell she felt really bad about adding more things to their already busy schedule. He didn't blame her for the sudden work thrust on them. He knew Ryuji didn't either, but...

“You've got to be kidding me.” Ryuji's voice was flat.

“S-Sorry, I know you're busy but...” Tsubasa's was wary.

“It's okay, Tsubasa. We're used to busy schedules.” Tomohisa reassured. He looked at Ryuji, hoping he wasn't in a bad mood. He didn't know if it was much better he just looked tired.

“Yeah, it's not your fault, Tsubasa. But will we even have time for this?” Ryuji frowned at the tablet.

“Yes, I made sure you two have the day off before and after so it won't interfere too much with your practice for the Dome and you can have some kind of rest in-between.”

Tomohisa sighed in relief. “Ah, you're the best Tsubasa.”

“We'd definitely be lost without our favourite A&R,” Ryuji took a Chupa Chups out of his bag and tossed it to Tsubasa. She fumbled for a few seconds before catching it properly. “But make sure you get rest, too. Keep your sugar up.”

“Ryuji, I think you're the only one that can stay awake from sugar.” Tomohisa laughed at the look he received.

“If you tell me again that sugar doesn't give you extra energy, you can deal with Yuta every Halloween on your own.”

“Ah...” there was a scary thought. He must have made some kind of expression for Ryuji got a satisfied look. Tsubasa covered her mouth, like she was trying to suppress a laugh.

“That means you two need to avoid writing for awhile,” Tsubasa said when she finally lowered her hand. Though she spoke to both of them, her eyes kept flickering towards Ryuji.

“Don't worry, we'll be good.” Tomohisa smiled, though he was also looking at Ryuji. When he caught onto it, he rolled his eyes.

“I got it, I got it! Sheesh, I'm not that bad for it!” He huffed, crossing his arms.

Tomohisa simply smiled. It was best not to remind Ryuji about when he accidentally got pen on his face when Tomohisa was filming.

* * *

The weekend came by very fast after that and it snowed just as predicted. There was even more than what there was said to be and it delighted Ryuji instantly.

“Wow, it really did snow!” Joy was clear in Ryuji's voice as he hurried to the balcony doors. He put his hand on the glass, a wide smile spreading across his face. “It's a good amount to. I hope it doesn't melt before the shoot.”

“We're supposed to do outside shots first just in case of that, so we should be okay. We'll probably be able to go for that walk also.” Tomohisa put his hand on Ryuji's shoulder as he peered outside with him. As always, there was a nostalgia in him as he looked at the white outside. “Let's get changed then head downstairs. The care they're sending should be here by the time we're ready.”

Ryuji bounced in place as he nodded, his eyes still trained outside. “Okay!”

“Tsubasa- _hah_...Tsubasa's not coming this time?” Ryuji asked with a yawn as they got onto the elevator.

“She's already going to be with THRIVE and KiLLER KiNG today so she won't have time,” Tomohisa explained. “She wishes us luck though.”

“Where's the location anyway?” Ryuji asked curiously. “She sent you the address, right?”

“Ah, let's see...” Tomohisa brought up the address on the map on his phone. He blinked in surprise when an image popped up along with it. “Oh.”

“Oh? Is that good 'oh' or a bad 'oh'?” Ryuji frowned. He leaned over to look at his phone. “Is it a bad place?”

“Neither. Just...” Tomohisa shook his head. “I think my family owns property around there.”

“Your family...” Ryuji muttered. “Just how much property do you all own that you _think_ you might own some in an area?”

The elevator beeped when they reached the main floor. As they stepped off, Tomohisa asked, “Doesn't your family own property?”

“Yeah, like a house here and there to get away from each other. Your family owns a whole damn island!”

“Isn't that the same thing? Both are places to visit at.” Tomohisa tilted his head to the side. Ryuji's mouth fell open. He looked like he was about to say something but instead turned on his heel and headed for the front doors. Tomohisa followed, just barely able to catch Ryuji talking to himself.

“....really compared a house and island....most ridiculous man...why do I even...!”

* * *

Sure enough, the place they arrived at was very familiar. Tomohisa was positive he's been here before.

“So? Recognize anything?” Ryuji asked when going up the path to the building.

“I do, though it's a little vague” Tomohisa admitted. “I think I came to a few parties here when I was younger.”

That memory pops into his mind. He wonders if this is the same place as back then or just a similar looking one. It feels too familiar for it not to be.

“That's right, you did the party thing, too...” Ryuji mused. When they got inside, he was looking around with a small frown. It seemed to deepen the more he looked. When they got inside, he stopped so suddenly that Tomohisa bumped into him.

“Ryuji?” Tomohisa touched his arm when he didn't react. Ryuji jumped in place and looked confused when he faced Tomohisa. “Is everything okay? Are you still tired?”

“Ah...no...Well, yeah, I'm tired but that's not...” Ryuji trailed off. He looked around the lobby of the place, his brow furrowed. “I think I-”

Before Ryuji could say more, a staff member called out to them and hurried over. They were rushed to meet the editor and soon after they had to get prepared for the photoshoot.

Something Tomohisa greatly admired about Ryuji was his ability to get through work without showing a hint that something was wrong. Ryuji could portray any emotion needed for a photoshoot or filming, hiding any signs that his thoughts were elsewhere. But over their years together, Tomohisa's learned to see through most of it.

It was clear something was bothering Ryuji. When they took their photos outside, between takes Ryuji was very quiet and only really spoke when spoken to. He'd perk right up when staff approached him but for the most part, he stayed near Tomohisa and leaned against his side.

“You seem far away,” Tomohisa spoke quietly so the staff wouldn't overhear them. “Are you sure you're not tired?”

“I'm sure.” Ryuji tipped his head up to look at him. “You seem far away, too.”

“I do?”

“Yeah.”

Tomohisa supposed he wasn't wrong. The longer they spent here, the more he felt confident that this was the place from his childhood memory. But he so focused on Ryuji, he wasn't really letting himself put too much thought into it right now. He just wanted to make sure Ryuji was okay.

After they were done outside, they had an hour delay while the staff and photographer worked some things out.

Tomohisa looked around but he couldn't spot Ryuji anywhere. So he stopped someone that was walking by.

“Excuse me, do you know where Ryuji went?”

“Ah, Korekuni-San asked if it was okay to go outside. He went to the back door so you should be able to find him there. Don't stray out too long, though, we need you two to change before shoot starts up again.”

“I understand, thank you.”

Once he had his coat, Tomohisa went to where the person had pointed to and found the backdoor. As the snow crunched beneath his feet, his chest began to feel warm. For some reason, he was feeling light headed.

Then he came to a small clearing. He could see a figure crouched down and smiled when it was who he was searching for.

“Aren’t you cold?”

Ryuji turned to look over his shoulder and Tomohisa felt his breath catch. His hair was messy from the slight breeze and his cheeks a vibrant red from the cold despite the makeup he wore.

A sense of deja vu washed over Tomohisa like a wave and he was stunned by it. All he could do was stand it place and take in how Ryuji looked.

He was breathtaking.

And so achingly familiar.

“Tomo?” Ryuji's voice pulled him out of it. He was standing and facing Tomohisa now with a frown. “You just going to stand there?”

“Ah...sorry,” Tomohisa rubbed his neck and walked over to him. Once he was next to him, he could see Ryuji had made a small snow bunny.

“You've been a little out of it since we got here. Everything okay?”

“I think we're both kinda off today,” Tomohisa smiles warily.

“I think I remember this place.” Tomohisa tried to think of how to phrase it properly. He didn't want to upset Ryuji in case he said it wrong. “I mean, the longer we're here, the more it starts to feel familiar. It's where...”

“Where you met your first love, right?” Ryuji huffed a small laugh. Tomohisa looked down at him but Ryuji was staring at the little snow bunny he made. “I don't...you don't have to believe me. I don't know...if I have the right place. But I’ve been here before, too. At least, I think so. It might just be similar to the place I remember. I'm not sure. Maybe I'm mixing things up.”

Ryuji was rambling. That was rare on it's own and a sure sign something wasn't right.

“When did you come here?” Tomohisa asked.

“A party. I think I was Eight? Maybe Nine? I know I was under Ten years old for sure but after...after I was Seven. My mom made me come. I got all dressed up and everything. I even have a photo somewhere at home of what I wore. I've been told it was my favourite yellow dress and a headband. I got bored and I guess I wondered around when she wasn't paying attention. I met another kid there and we played together before our parents found us. I never came back to an event here so I never saw that kid again.” Ryuji glanced up at him. There was an uncertain look in his eye. Tomohisa felt his breath catch.

“It’s...it's similar to what you told me. Meeting someone in the snow and playing together. I held their hand and we made things in the snow. ” Ryuji's voice wavered. “I never...I never thought about it much. It was so long ago. But when my memories returned, I remembered some more of that day. It's still really blurry, and I don't know if it's because it was a long time ago or it's from hitting my head. But I...I think the kid I played with looked like you. Like the photos I've seen of when you were little. And we...We've both been here before. But I-I can't tell if my memory is mixing things up with what you've told me.”

“You're not wrong. Your memory isn't wrong,” Tomohisa felt breathless but was still quick to reassure Ryuji. He could feel Ryuji's anxiety come off him in waves thinking his memory couldn't be trusted. “It's...its the same. It's the same.”

Tomohisa could feel his heartbeat pound in his ears. He's always thought Ryuji resembled the person in his memories, but he never truly considered they were the same person. Even from seeing photos of Ryuji when he was young, he never let himself think there was a connection.

Next to him, Ryuji crouched down, his hair hiding his face.

“This is insane. What are the chances...” he could barely hear Ryuji’s muffled voice.

Tomohisa fell to one knee next to him, uncaring of the snow melting through the fabric. He started running his hand through Ryuji’s hair to get his attention. Ryuji looked at him, his expression fell of emotions. “Tomo...”

There was so much to talk about but they weren't truly alone here. They had to get back inside soon to finish with their shoot.

“We'll talk when we get home. Okay?”

Ryuji's eyes were bright. He pressed his weight against Tomohisa and nodded.

Just a couple more hours. They could wait that long.

* * *

When they got home, Ryuji immediately dropped his stuff at the entrance as he hurried inside. Tomohisa took the time to hang everything up properly before finding Ryuji laying face down on the couch, his head in his arms.

With a weak smile, Tomohisa sat on the floor beside him. Ryuji startled slightly when Tomohisa placed his hand on his head. He turned his head slightly, peaking up at Tomohisa. It was so cute that Tomohisa could only laugh fondly.

“What do you know...I guess we really were always destined to meet.”

“You’re horribly calm about this.” Ryuji grumbled. “It’s actually making me a little angry.”

“I don’t really know how to react. Or what to say.” Tomohisa admitted. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears and his face felt too warm. It made it hard to think of anything other than Ryuji in this moment. “I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.”

“And yet your first reaction is to say it’s destiny.” Ryuji sighed, sounding slightly exasperated. He lifted his head up properly so Tomohisa could now see just how vibrant his blush really was. He sat up properly, tugging on Tomohisa's sleeve to sit on the couch next to him. “We really found each other without looking, huh? Even before the whole Soulmate thing happened.”

“We did,” He put his arm around Ryuji's shoulders and smiled when he felt him press his weight back. “Even before we ever found out, we were always meant to meet each other.”

“...you really were the first constant in my life.” Ryuji said quietly. “You've always been there. We separated but...we met again. And we became friends properly.”

“Because you let me be your friend.” Tomohisa smiled.

“Because you actually wanted to be my friend.” Ryuji's weight against him grew heavier. Tomohisa was sure that if he moved, Ryuji would just fall over.

Ryuji's voice suddenly took an odd tone, almost like he was stunned. “...we chose each other back in Bambi. That's why...”

Tomohisa was confused what he meant at first but then it clicked. They always chose each other. That very first meeting was them choosing to play together. Then years later, when they unknowingly reunited, they kept choosing the other again and again. They always picked each other no matter what happened.

“I'll always choose you, Ryuji. You're the one I wanted to play with. The one I wanted to be friends with and protect back then. The one I wanted to practice with. The one I wanted to be partners with. It never really occurred to me to choose anyone else.” Tomohisa felt something warm spread through him. “It's always been you.”

“Ah, enough! You're so...!” Tomohisa caught sight of just how red Ryuji had gotten before a hand was shoved in his face, trying to cover his mouth. “Enough! How do you say things like that so easily!”

“It's-heh-” Tomohisa grabbed Ryuji's hand and pulled it away with a laugh. “It's true though.”

“Don't care!” Ryuji huffed. He looked away and muttered. “I...I think that, too. Everything you said...I wouldn't pick anyone else. As my partner or my Soulmate...I wouldn't want to be with anyone else.”

“I really have been falling in love with you since we met. Ever since I saw that light in your smile.” Tomohisa leaned in to press their heads together. Fondness swelled in his chest when he noticed Ryuji's blush growing darker and pressed his hands against those warm cheeks. “I love you.”

Ryuji placed his hands over Tomohisa's and just held them there. His eyes were bright, the colour shining from unshed tears. “...if you're going to kiss me, you better do it before someone shows up.”

Tomohisa laughs and kisses the end of Ryuji's nose. He doesn't think Ryuji's ever going to fully get over that first interruption they had. “I did say before I wouldn't stop if it does happen.”

“You were seriou-!?” Tomohisa cuts him off when he leans in to press his lips against Ryuji's. He feels the way Ryuji stiffens in surprise but relaxes soon enough. Ryuji pulled away briefly to mutter, “you're the worst” before returning the kiss, smiling against his lips.

Tomohisa pulled him closer by the waist as Ryuji put his arms around his neck.

There was a time when Tomohisa wasn't sure what it was he felt for Ryuji. Yet having him in his arms right now made him wonder how he ever questioned himself.

It's always been Ryuji he wanted to be with. The one in his heart, long before he ever realizing it. He never gave much thoughts to Soulmates, but knowing Ryuji was his and he was Ryuji's because they wanted to be together made his heart swell.

He loves Ryuji. Even if they didn't have their bond, it was always Ryuji he would choose again and again. He would never change that.


End file.
